$$ ALERT: I Just Lost my First Million....$$

Before I ever even had a chance to make it. It's a shame to do this at such a young age. I AM young, you shut up about it. 30 is the new 25. Because really, I don't care to be 20 again. It would be exhausting and cost way too much. Back on task, I was cruising the net earlier (that's what the cool kids say) and came upon something that made me go like this:

Helllllooooooooooooooo Kitty.

I like to tell myself that I'm an "Idea Man" or "lady" and I have had some great ideas. My idea problems lie mainly in the area of execution, but that's a story for another  blog. Here is an email I sent to a few friends while pregnant. It is brought to you now by the power of gmail search:

Exhibit "A":

Email from November 2010.

"SO they make this amazing thing for people who look fat and not pregnant but are pregnant (read: me).  It's called a Be Band and it looks like this:

I really think I might incorporate this into my every day wardrobe even when I'm not pregnant. I bought it at 12 weeks preg thinking that 100% I was going to "pop" the next week since I was in my second trimester and I would obviously need it with everything. I don't have a bump yet and I also feel like January 2nd fat. Like you just ate and drank for an entire month (plus week) and it's time to start a diet/ workout regime/New Year's resolution.   

So I went to brunch on Sunday and was planning to eat a lot since drinking is out. I have really missed a cute pair of jeans that are the smallest size I have ever worn and I bought them about a year ago when I was in the skinnies. Be Band has given me these jeans back. This is genius. I think everyone should own it. You basically leave your pants UNZIPPED and put the band over it to keep them up. There are a ton of things that are "too small" that I can wear now. This thing is amazing and basically just looks like the bottom of an undershirt if you can see it at all. So my second favorite thing to do with the Be Band is put it in my purse. My pants fit in the morning. This is a fact. After I eat lunch... well they kind of don't. God I feel fat, I mean pregnant. But anyway.. I come to work, do my morning things, eat lunch, work a little more and then slip off to the bathroom to install the Be Band. My afternoon of possible procrastination instantly gets better. 

So because I wish I had known about this before I was pregnant (seriously, especially the black one, I would have worn it constantly) I am sharing this news. This would be great for when you are up 5lbs, want to wear some tight pants that might be just a little too tight, or want to be extra comfortable, but still cute. They should make one of these for everyone.

The Be Band. Believe it."

The other night I came upon an infomercial for this exact product and I knew I had missed the boat. And then I REALLY knew I had missed the boat when I googled tee shirt extender. Someone in the world of idea moms has been tracking my emails because all of these magical Be Bands for non preggos appeared in 2011. I was busy having a baby and things, and other stuff, etc.

Here is the best part though, the pure smarts of their marketing and takeover ploys... they are putting it on SKINNIES!! I mean "tee shirt extenders" (lame name by the way) were made for bloating, too much dessert, winter padding, and lazies. But everyone is now trying to pretend like it's all just for the skinnies. 

"I need a "hip-T" just because wearing an actual cami underneath my shirt is exhausting."
Love, thin waist model above

Who really needs this product?? This girl:

"Send Be Bands & tee shirt extenders... and some jeans from this decade... and a camel toe cover."
Love, Muffin Top

I see a tiny thin waist in this product and I think to myself, eh. No way this looks good on me or fixes my problems. Especially when they offer it in Ed Hardy flavor. I just threw up in my mouth. How I would have sold this product to you lovely ladies (& gents) is by showing you a photos like this: 

Before Band.

After Band

See? You would totally buy that. I would have made big $$$, but now I'll have to figure out some other amazing idea. It will come. I'm full of shit greatness. Also, shape-wear is EVERYWHERE these days. You especially know this if you are a RHONY fan. Jill - Skweez shape-wear line, Bethenny - Shape-wear line, and most recently, Heather - kicked all of them to the curb with her world wide celeb shape-wear line, Yummie Tummie. Side note: does anyone else want to kill her when she says "Holla" in the opening credits?

I'm going to work right now creating another product that will make us all look like Iman. Then I'll come back to let you all know:

-RT