Mommy War (Ugh, Good God) What is it good for?

So picture this... you are 5 months preg, just dropped your 2.5 year old off at day school and you are going to take your 15 month old daughter for a late mommy and me breakfast at a local diner. You are having an amazing time (for once it's just the two of you) and she is being an angel. Then all of the sudden a woman walks up to you and says "you're disgusting" and walks away. So you are completely shocked. Because in real life, you are a hot mom who keeps her stuff together and you are side lined by this comment. Then her husband appears and says "I'm sorry, but my wife feels very strongly about children eating off of the table." Then he leaves. This actually happened to a friend of mine who is the complete opposite of disgusting. It made me so angry that on another of many occasions, moms are out there judging each other instead of supporting one another.

Judging is something that is easy to do. As a mom I pretty much constantly feel judged. No one ever looks at the way a child is acting and thinks "wow, that dad sure doesn't know how to parent." I mostly expect (and can easily brush off) judgement from non parents. Before I had kids, I was a parent judging machine. I had an answer for every parenting dilemma, especially when it came to toddlers and tantrums. (Those were always the parent's fault.) But here I am, older and wiser and I know that non parents have NO IDEA and I've been there, so really that doesn't bother me. What gets me is that moms are fighting all of these battles against each other when we are the ones who KNOW how hard it is to be a mom. I go out of my way when I see other moms to tell them their kids are precious, or ask them if they need a hand, or smile as big as a non crazy person can at them. I would love to give them a hug and tell them they are doing a great job, but that would just be creepy. 

This is why I don't own an ironing board.

Moms fight about breastfeeding I think more than anything else. Especially online. Breastfeeding is HARD. That is the truth for most women. I have some friends who took to it very naturally with their babies, I had others who had to work their asses off to make it natural, I have others who only supplemented with breast milk, and still others who knew when they were pregnant that breastfeeding was not something they wanted to do. My cousin still occasionally breast feeds her 2 year old. Guess what? All of our babies are healthy and happy because their moms made the best decision for them. GO MOMS! 

Both of these women are good moms.

 If someone asks me about breastfeeding, I level with them about my experience. One month of direct breastfeeding, and 6 months of exclusive pumping due to a latch issue. Was it tiring and awful and difficult? Yes. Do I regret doing it? No. I wanted to quit lots of times, but I had a three day rule. If I ever wanted to quit three days in a row, on the fourth day I would. I never made it past one day. Then I offer them a support system if they want it, because I think it is nearly impossible to breastfeed when you don't have one. You know what makes it harder to breastfeed? Judgement from other moms who think you aren't trying hard enough or aren't doing a good enough job. I have heard a lot from people who were turned off of breastfeeding in the hospital by an overly critical lactation consultant. In the end, as good as breast milk is for a baby, the most important thing for a baby is a healthy and happy mommy. On a side note, I was a formula baby and without formula, this blog would not be coming to you.

Now that I think about it, probably in a direct tie with breastfeeding is working moms vs stay at home moms. Some moms have to work, some moms choose to work, some moms have to stay at home, some moms choose to stay at home. Why do we have to be so angry with each other about it? As a mom who works part time, I will say that some days I am more than happy to skip off to work and not have to be on toddler watch all day. Other days I am stressed and don't have enough time in the morning to cook breakfast for me and my daughter and get out of the door on time. Then I come home and go right into dinner, bath, bed routine and miss any play time and S and I are both exhausted when it comes to thinking about cooking dinner. Some days I stay home are a dream. L and I are in synch and she is laughing and playing all day. We get chores and errands done, we start dinner early and the house is clean. Then other days she won't let me out of her sight. She doesn't want to eat what she normally eats, she is testing limits all day long and throwing tantrums, and I just want to close her bedroom door and lay on the floor while she plays around me. (that has happened many times.) It's hard to go to work AND it's hard to stay at home because it is hard to be a mom. And wherever you are during the day, you are still a mom and that is tough stuff. 

Back to the start of this post, moms are very judgmental about other children in restaurants. I am constantly nervous when I am eating out with L. We met S for lunch one day and L was making a mess on the floor and a woman was giving her the stink eye. A grown woman was giving a one year old baby side eye. But really, it was side eye at me. When someone figures out how to teach a 12 month old to eat neatly and not spill on the floor, please let me know so I can steal the information and become rich. It's already costing us more cash to eat out with L because I always leave some cash on the high chair for the poor schlub who has to clean the floor. And yes, sometimes your child eats off of the table, because when you put her food on a plate she wants to see what is under the plate, and when you put her food on a napkin, she wants to use the napkin to show you she can wipe her hands. Kids also eat dirt, so I'm pretty sure eating off of the table isn't that bad. 

Here is where there is a shift though. You cannot help your child throwing a fit in a restaurant, and you can't help that they aren't coordinated enough to get the food directly to their mouth and no where else. Where lots of parents get a bad rep is when they are sitting and enjoying their meal while their children are disrupting others. These are the times when you realize you will only have children this age for a little while, you take one for the team, and you pick up your screaming, thrashing child and walk outside so you can calm them down in a less overstimulating area. And if they don't calm down you get your food to go. Been there, done that. Know your kids and how much they can stand. 

Enjoying your meal?

  I've never been more relaxed at a restaurant than on Mother's Day when we had brunch at one of our favorite places Haven. It was a mother's day brunch and every single table had a baby or a toddler. Moms were happy, the champagne was flowing, and if a child cried, we all got it. Life should be like mother's day brunch.

Here's to mother's day! Let's do it once a month.

 As much as you hate to see someone get on the plane with a baby, I'm willing to bet the person with the baby feels worse. They know that everyone is looking at them thinking "please don't sit near me" and then they inevitably sit next to one of the people who was thinking that. Planes are hard. There's pressure and strange sounds and noises and strange people. Moms needs support on planes. I really want to hug moms on planes. I've been there. The first time Landon flew it was just the two of us. Shout out to the fine people at Delta and the makers of the iPad for making that flight a dream. A crying baby on a plane can sometimes just not be helped. It's not like the parent is sitting there pinching their child. What can be helped? Older kids on planes. If a child on a plane is kicking the seat in front of them and the parent is doing nothing, then yes, feel free to judge that parent. Or just be like my friend H and turn around and say "no, no, little boy. Kicking seats is not polite." I like to picture this happening in my head because I wish I was there. 

iPad airplane magic can also be had with the Kindle Fire and a portable DVD player.

Here is the long awaited conclusion... moms need other moms. It's hard to be a parent and you get pressure from everyone to have perfect angel children. But that just isn't life. What we need to realize is that we all take shortcuts so that we can stay sane. Maybe you put your kid on a leash, maybe I bought my baby an iPad so I would feel better about traveling with her. When you see a mom at the store who might be a little too harsh with her child, maybe she is having a horrible day. You never know what someone else is going through. Maybe I'm not going to race across the room when L picks a cheerio up off of the floor and eats it. It's just a cheerio and it's just the floor. 

We are all doing what we need to do and we are all doing the best that we can. We are making the decisions that we have to make for ourselves and our families. So really, next time you see a mom out with her kids, give her some support. Smile, help her out if she needs it, or be extra strange and give her a high five. At the very least, if you can't say anything nice (I'm looking at you the "you're disgusting" lady) just keep it to yourself and don't say anything at all. 

So here's to moms of all shapes and sizes, raising children who are theirs by blood or not, and awesome dads too. Let's all give each other a break and then give each other a hand and then give each other a cocktail.

-RT

Baby Road Trips & Salmon for Ladybugs

I tried to post remotely while on a short trip to San Antonio. It started out like this: "This is my first experience blogging from my iPhone. Depending on how it goes it also might be my last." Well obviously you see how it went. I think the remote blogger is great if you don't post photos, but I do, and I can't see where my photos are going, I can't caption them, and I can't preview the post to make sure it looks normal. So for now, no more blogging on the go unless it's a single amazing photo that I want to share.

In other ways, Friday was pretty productive. I started a Facebook page for Raising Texas (click on that link and like it so we can still be Internet friends) and I got a regular domain name so you might be coming to www.raisingtexasblog.com instead of the blogspot address. I also have some really fun things to come in the way of guest blogs from my gifted and talented friends. I seriously couldn't keep it together without them and I want to share them with you.

We headed to San Antonio for approximately 20 hours for a family event and to see some of our great friends that live there. It was our first long car trip with the Ladybug (long being over 1.5 hours) and to say I was dreading it would be an understatement. 85% of the time L HATES car trips. I like plans, so we made one.

This was my actual first plan, but it was swiftly rejected by S.

The real plan involved doing her night time routine but then after her pjs were put on, we put her in the car seat instead of the bed. Then in phase two of the plan, she came to the realization that it was bed time and slept the entire way to San Antonio. Here's another snippet of the blog I tried to write on the road: "It's now an hour and a half past bed time and she is in the back seat making some of the strangest noises I have ever heard." So you can see that the plan didn't really work out. In better news, she really just sat back there and entertained herself the entire way. She got a little fussy when we were 20 minutes away and I just reached back and gave her my hand to play with. We got in around 9:15 and after thirty minutes of playing with the W's dogs, went to bed. As a bonus gift to our thwarted plan, even though she went to bed about three hours after her normal bed time, she still woke up at seven a.m. 

We didn't get to do everything or see everyone we wanted to, but we had a great weekend and Landon got to play with two of my best friends little guys. One of these friends and her little guy are currently featured on the Raising Texas Facebook page (did I mention there's a facebook page?). She is shooting skeet while 38 weeks pregnant. One of the many reasons why I love her. My other dear friend, who we spent nap time with, works full time, has a personal side business, and promises to guest blog about her 20 - 30 minute cook at home family dinners. See, what's not to love about my friends?

The road trip wrap up is that Landon was amazing even though she didn't sleep AT ALL in the car, our friends really took care of us, and big shout out to Sesame Street, DJ Lance Rock, and the makers of the iPad.

Here's my boy DJ Lance. He is happiness and light and toddler travel magic.
In the corner is angry Brad Pitt dressed as DJ Lance with a creepy goatee that Ange probably made him grow.

So I'm supposed to be talking about food... right. L loves salmon. Out of all of her proteins I would say salmon is second only to fried eggs, her breakfast of choice. I often will pick up a small portion of salmon from the butcher for a few of her weekly meals. I think it's easier to cook than most meat and poultry. Also, here's a big tip, ask your butcher or fish monger to pull out and bones for you before they wrap it up. Make life easier. Here is where we will start:

Pan, small salmon filet (already rubbed), and olive oil to coat the pan while cooking.

Pretty basic. The salmon is rubbed with olive oil and finely chopped dill and sprinkled with fine sea salt. You'll want to heat up your pan over medium for about 5 minutes and coat with about a teaspoon of ev olive oil. I am using a small pan, so depending on the size, just use enough to coat the bottom and the sides. Once your pan is hot and the oil is coated evenly, add the salmon skin down.

Skin down.

 Then cover your pan and give the salmon some time to cook over medium heat. Here's a side note: I HATE our cook tops. They are like little electric hot plates and we didn't pick them and they are AWFUL to cook on. So sometimes they cause me to have issues when cooking and as such, I tend to check on food more than needed. I gave this small filet about four minutes before I lifted the lid to check on it.  Here is what it looked like four minutes in:

Four minutes of covered cooking over medium heat.

You might notice the white stuff on my salmon. I think I saw on Top Chef one time that it means you are cooking your salmon over too high of heat or something like that. I have tried to cook without getting it and I can't figure it out unless I am poaching the salmon. It doesn't taste like anything, so I usually just ignore it. When I have this small amount of uncooked salmon in the middle, my quick way to finish things up overrules putting the cover back on and letting it cook the rest of the way. I flip it to speed things along.

I flip my salmon back n forth.

Then I covered it and gave it about a minute more. I like my salmon medium, so I still wanted some pink in the middle. 

Finished filet.

 Also, so you know this can be done, L is going through a bit of a clingy phase, so while I was cooking the salmon, all I had to do was look down to see this:

Toddler shackles.

 Don't worry, I know how careful you have to be when you are cooking hot things with a baby in the house. Common sense... she shackled me from behind while I was actively cooking. The final ladybug dinner ended up being a piece of the salmon filet, chopped spinach (from the freezer) and diced butternut squash (from the freezer). A pretty easy and non time consuming meal.

Ladybug food followed by some sliced mango for dessert.

 Happy Sunday! Here's to early bed times and lots of HBO. 

-RT