Tips on Coping with Picky & Opinionated Eaters

First, I have rarely had the problem of dealing with a TRULY difficult, picky eater. Early on with my kids I adopted certain philosophies to keep me sane, and whether they worked or I am just lucky... I haven't figured out yet. What I know about opinionated eaters is vast, as I have a three year old living in my house right now. 

 I work very hard to purchase the best foods and prepare beautiful meals for my family. When they eat and enjoy something I have made for them it feels good. Here is what has been happening in our house lately: At the store two days ago I found organic blueberries and raspberries. Not very abundant this time of year and my food opinionated daughter's favorites. It sounds lame, but I was excited because I thought she would be SO excited the next morning at breakfast. The next day she gets sprouted grain cinnamon raisin bread with organic butter, the organic berries washed and dried, and a sliced banana. She sits down at the table and sees this beautiful plate of food and says "I don't want this." And for a second I forget that she is three and I get more than a little offended. I think I said something like "This is breakfast. The only breakfast. Now eat it." Different power struggles and additional words ensued and this minor morning affront to my feelings affected the entire day. 

The breakfast in question was not documented, but on any given day this could be completely rejected as well

 I don't know if it bothered me more that I wanted her to be surprised and excited that I had found something she loved... and she clearly was not. Or if I REALLY want to get the point across to her that we should not waste any food, but especially good, wholesome, EXPENSIVE food that we make a priority in our family budget. Then here comes that reminder again... she is three. I am a grown adult. 

What worked with both kids from the first sign of frustration with food was following a lot of the Food Rules from "French Kids Eat Everything." I never finished the actual book, and I didn't have to. The fact is not all french kids eat everything. (And for a nice counterpoint to the francophile parenting movement, please see this hilarious personal essay from Vogue.)

The food rules from French Kids Eat Everything make sense though. Not because they make your kids mini gourmands who instantly appreciate all of the wholesome and beautiful ingredients of the world, while shunning burgers and pizza.... It's because they keep parents sane and create predictable situations. Any time you can apply rules to a part of your life with kids (and stick to them) it lets everyone know what to expect. And when everyone knows the rules it makes life easier. 

You don't have to follow the rules word for word.. Make them work for YOU! Here is the lowdown on the official "French Food Rules" and how we actually apply them to our family life. 

Rule #1: Parents: YOU are in charge of Food Education.

We apply this by making the grocery store/farmer's market a place where we talk about ingredients. With the above mentioned 3 year old we talk about which vegetables and fruits she wants to eat, and she helps with as much cooking as is manageable. 

Rule #2: Avoid emotional eating. Translation: Do not use food as a reward.

This is a hard one. I absolutely dropped this rule while potty training. At the end of a successful grocery store trip I used to swing by the mini cookie cube at Whole Foods or HEB (they both have them now) and let L pick a cookie. This was back in the ideal days of one child shopping. When I saw this rule we switched out the cookie for a Balloon or a piece of fruit from the kids club (whole foods & still a food reward, I know) or a trip to see HEBuddy. It only took a few trips with consistent "no cookie" to get her off of that habit. I work on this rule a lot.

Rule #3: Parents plan and schedule meals. Kids eat what adults eat. No Short Order Cooking.

When I embraced this rule I got a good amount of kitchen sanity back. As the parent fill your child's plate with only items you would be happy if they ate. For example, my kids will always eat sweet potato and avocado, so for most lunch or dinner meals, this is on the plate. Then your child decides what they will eat. And if they don't want what's on the plate then they have to wait until the next scheduled meal time. I will say with the opinionated eater, I often let her know that she has to try one of everything offered before she steps away from the table. More on that in Rule # 6

Rule #4: Eat family meals together with no distractions.

This is a hard one for us given the kids ages and our schedules. The way we make it work for us is that the kids always eat together at the kitchen table for every meal at home and snacks. If I am here I try to sit down with them and eat as well. With a one and three year old, that is just sometimes not feasible. My kids go to bed early and my husband works late. But during any and all home meal times there is no tv. It's about the meal. 

Rule #5: Eat your veggies.

If you have ever done the VegOut Challenge with Recipe for Success then you know how many vegetables there are. We try to make this one fun and try new things or old things in new ways. If you make it a game kids get more interested. That doesn't guarantee they will like it, but it's a start.

Rule #6: You DON'T have to like it, but you DO have to taste it.

I can't tell you how many times I have set down a plate to hear "I don't like (enter something she liked yesterday here)." And like a broken record I say "you might not feel like eating it today, but I still need you to try at least one bite." And sometimes the stubborn little sweetheart will take that one bite and leave the rest. Other times she realizes after tasting it that she does actually like it and eats the rest. This is a fantastic rule. Maybe my favorite. You are giving your kids the power to say they don't like or want something, but you are also giving them the opportunity to change their mind. 

Rule #7: No Snacking! It's ok to feel hungry in between meals.

We follow this in a way that works for the young age of our kids. It's not something I am proud of, but sometimes a young child who is about to spiral into a tantrum can be distracted with a snack. And I prefer light snacking to tantruming (new word) any day. If someone wants a snack in between meals at home, we stick to the following list: a banana, some avocado, some berries, an apple, applesauce, grapes, or raisins. They are things we always have and you be surprised how many times a "hungry" child who wants a snack suddenly decides they can wait until their next meal. 

Rule #8: Slow food is Happy food.

Take you time with meals. Enjoy the taste of your food and teach your children to do the same. There are times when you will need to rush through breakfast to get to school or work, but try to take the time to sit at the table and enjoy your food. I have to remind myself of this one as well, but it's a great one when put into practice.

Rule #9: Eat mostly real food.

This rule notes that treats on special occasions are ok. The problem I fall into with this one is I can pretty much find a special occasion in every day. So we have started making real food "treats" like the whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread and baked apple chips. We do follow a mostly real food diet and love it. 

Rule #10: Remember: Eating is Joyful.... RELAX!

Right... here are nine rules to remember, now relax. But the truth is, when you start implementing some of the above it makes your kitchen less of a battle zone and more of a family space. The relaxation comes naturally because you have a solution to the picky and opinionated eating problems that arise. It's hard to believe (I sometimes have to remind myself) but your kids will not starve. They also know what they can get away with and with whom.

I follow two additional rules of my own. 

1. From first solids to forever is that there is no such thing as not liking something forever. If your child hates peas today, tomorrow and next week, that doesn't mean he won't like them next month. We give our kids lots of opportunities to dislike foods because we continue to feed them to them in a variety of forms. Maybe you don't like white meat chicken, but if I slice it thin and put a little sour cream on top, you'll devour it.

2. If you are throwing food on the floor you are probably no longer hunger and the meal is now over. With a one year old, this rule is like sanity. In rule form. 

The final lesson of the above is as follows: We are all trying to feed our kids the best of what we can provide. Even if they don't appreciate it, your spouse, their grandparents, and their future selves all do. So figure out what kind of kitchen rules work in your house and turn your battle zone into a place to create, taste & explore. And a place to open a bottle of wine when all of that creative exploring doesn't go as planned.

RT

What I Really Want for Mother's Day

Last night I dreamed a dream about eating cupcakes. There. So that's how Not So Sweet May is going. Let's move on.

You see a lot of these "What I really want for Mother's Day" posts this time of year. And most of them go like this: "to go to the bathroom alone," "to sleep in," "to not have to cook anything, all day," "a quiet bath," and this year I saw a few "to be completely alone for 24 hours." Mothers work hard and they deserve to want what they want for Mother's Day. Wanting these things does not mean you love your kids less than anyone else. Moms for moms over here.

I often dream about having a day completely to myself. A day where I can read an entire book, leave the house without worrying about naps or bottles, and get dressed without making sure I can throw what I'm wearing in the wash to get spit up out of it. After some thought, and a second child, I realized that Mother's Day is not really a day for me. It's a day for me AND my kids.

What do I remember about Mother's Day? Usually, my memories involve getting dressed up and going to brunch with my maternal grandparents and most of my mom's 6 siblings, their spouses, and my cousins. We were always a large crowd. The grand presentation of homemade gifts, the hallmark cards passed around the table, and the dessert. Afterward, we came home, got comfortable and had a pretty normal Sunday. Then I wondered how I would feel if my memories of Mother's Day consisted of my mother being alone while we did something with my Dad.... and when I put it that way it didn't sit well. 

As a parent, I spend a lot of time trying to create memorable experiences for my children. Things they will look back on and think of fondly. The funny thing is that most of my fond early memories with my mother were normal occurrences, or daily routines. I remember looking at her blond hair from the backseat of her car as we drove from here to there. You know the sound that a leather steering wheel makes as you complete a turn and let it glide back into position through your hands? I remember that. And I was fascinated by it. I couldn't wait to be able to drive so that I could turn a steering wheel just like my mom. 

I remember the round rug that used to be on the floor of her bathroom. I would sit there and watch her get ready for dinner with my father, an evening with friends, or a business outing in the city. There are great 1980's details like the way she used a curling iron to perfectly sweep her bangs to the side, and her favorite shade of Clinique lipstick. (It was Watermelon and has since been discontinued, but it could make a comeback!) She would sometimes ask me to help fasten her bracelets, and I would sometimes beg her to stay home instead of leaving. After she left I'd go back into her bathroom, sit down on the round rug and breath in her lingering perfume. It was Yvonne LaFleur from an eclectic shop of the same name in the Riverbend area of New Orleans. 

These memories are warm in my soul. They are forever rooted there. The feeling of being driven is a feeling of being cared for, being taken along for the ride. Witnessing the ritual of getting ready taught me the importance of taking time to dress up when the occasion calls for it. The time to be a woman, wife, friend or sister for the day or evening, and take a short break from being someone's mom. The times when my mother was likely not trying to make me feel specifically cared for or to teach me anything, those were the times that I learned and remembered.

What I really want is for Mother's Day to be day one of another new year as a mother. This year I resolve to be happy. To create a foundation for these basic moments to one day serve as a beautiful memory for my children. To make the day to day tasks more sweet for all of us. To spend time letting my 10 month old crawl all over me and not worry about spit up. To play whatever game my 3 year old wants to play. To appreciate my husband for the ways he provides, supports, and helps me to be a better mother. AND I also really want to sleep in. 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom. Through her daily actions she continues to teach me what being a mother is about. I love you to the moon and back.

My two best girls.

"Mommy Happy" - Our Potty Training Success! (Part 3)

Who knew this was going to be a three parter? Not me. BUT I felt like I needed to come back around to this after being kind of brutally honest about how awful it was and let you know how it is now (on day 12). 

Part 1

Part 2

Here's where I am:

Was it awful? 

Yes. But unless you think it's awesome to sit in the bathroom for a day or to watch your child constantly for a weekend with no pants, then it's just another necessary evil. Do you enjoy cleaning up pee and poo? If so, professional potty training could be for you. You will LOVE IT!

I could not be more honest when telling you that the first four days of potty training fall right behind infant reflux, crying it out and two year molars on my list of least favorite parenting experiences. The bonus of potty training is that I feel like we are both succeeding and it hasn't even been two weeks yet. My mistake... someone's clever marketing campaign convinced me this would take less than a day. Jerks. 

Do I regret the timing?

No. I don't. In my last post I said that if I wouldn't have been pregnant I would have waited, but I completely take that back now. I think that you face difficulties with your children potty training no matter what age they are. They are just different difficulties. Some are the exact same. I think at her age, L is much more open to listening to me and taking my direction and that works for me. She really wants to use the potty because it makes me happy and that makes her happy. If only things could stay this way through the teenage years...

What is happening now?

On Sunday (day 10 since our bathroom boot camp) we didn't have a single accident all day, even during her nap. She was also into the routine of sitting on the potty this day and stopped fighting us. It became a natural part of her day. Yesterday we went to the zoo in the morning with our portable potty. She did an awesome job! This made me feel less like a prisoner to potty training. That was something I had a hard time with at first. 

What worked for us?

Let's get this straight... I am the opposite of a potty training expert. I have NO idea what will work for you, BUT here are some things that really worked for us. I'll remember them next time around.

1. Consistency

We put on big girl panties and we did not look back. I think you can get away with diapers at naps and nights (we still do them at night) but going back and forth between diapers and panties (after you have made the choice to really train) seems confusing. We dropped swim diapers except in public pools. L was still confused about why she was getting a diaper at night, but we just let her know that when she goes to sleep, she wears a sleep diaper. She wasn't super satisfied with that answer, but I'm not ready to clean up night time messes yet. 

We also tried to be consistent with our directions. The first week, if we told her she needed to go sit on the potty, she was going to sit on the potty. We had some knock down drag outs about it, but we wanted to get it through to her that if we asked her to sit on the potty she needed to go and try, or at least just listen to us and sit for the length of a song or to read a book. This part was trying for a few days when she would resist, but we would try and distract her with her favorite songs, etc. The point of this was so later (like even this week) she wouldn't fight us when we asked her to sit on the potty before we left the house or after we got back. If she sits down and goes it's a big bonus, but if she sits down for 20 seconds and says she doesn't have to go, then we listen to her and move on. She has to sit on the potty 1. after waking up 2. before her nap 3. after her nap 4. before her bath (after dinner) 5. after she brushes her teeth (right before bed). If we leave the house she has to sit on the potty before we leave and after we get back. Other than that, I just check in with her throughout the day and keep an eye on how long it has been since her last trip. 

2. Staying Positive (when possible)

Sometimes it's not possible (like when I was locked out of the house) but if I ever got frustrated I tried to walk away. I wasn't perfect, but keeping everything positive really took the pressure off of her. This doesn't mean they are off the hook. When she has an accident L changes her own underwear and if there is a mess on the floor, she "helps" clean up. I say this within reason because there are certain messes that would just be made messier. But it's just a kind of matter of fact thing. We had an accident, so we have to help clean it up and next time, try to make it to the potty. The end. I think making accidents a non event wouldn't work for her, so we talk about it and have some actions she has to take associated with it. 

3. Starting to Trust Her

This is for when the time is right. We have our set potty times, but at other times I will ask her if she needs to go to the potty and if she tells me she doesn't (almost every time), I listen to her. I also keep an eye on the clock, but she likes to feel like she has a little bit of control and this gives that to her. The difference is, when I think she needs to go, I tell her we are going to the potty. When I'm just checking in, I ask her if she needs to go.

4.  Staying Flexible

Every day I'm learning something new about this process. She is still very impatient about waiting for number two, so I've pulled out all of the stops to get her to sit and wait when I know she needs to. Sometimes I let her pick a reward if she asks for one. A sticker, a dance party (so embarrassing please no one ever walk in on this), or a little piece of a treat. She woke up at 12:30am this morning to tell me she had to go potty. Why can't she do this at 10am.... I'm not really sure. But she did have to go and then she had to go straight back to bed. I know that the same things might not work every time, but knowing that is helpful for me. I think not knowing that potty training was going to be a process instead of a day long event was what really made it difficult for me in the beginning. Now, we go with the flow (or lack of flow). 

My new favorite potty training items:

Fisher Price 2-in-1 Portable Training Potty

L is not excited about public toilets, but little bladders need to go a lot more often. This has been perfect! We used it prior as a seat for the big potty at our house (and still do) and take just the top to other houses for play dates and she uses it perfectly. The whole potty sets up easily and you have to carry a larger bag for a while, but it works for her so easily and THAT makes my life easier. I will withhold the photo I took of her using it in the zoo bathroom and in the back of the car. Stay classy future wedding slideshow.

Gerber Waterproof Pants

If peace of mind came in a pack of underpants covers, it would look like this. We use them over her big girl panties during naps and even when her underwear was soaked, these kept it all contained and the bed was dry. For longer errand runs or the hour long drive to my parent's house, I put them on and don't have to stress about cleaning pee off of the carseat cover or her clothes or whatever else. These were life changing. And they have them at Target.

Thick Training Pants

Think about those nice, thick burp cloths that had the trifold and then turn them into underwear. These are SO great. They absorb so much for accidents that it will keep your floor or the child's pants from being completely soaked. They might still be wet, but not AS wet. They are also supportive, but can stretch enough for L to pull them up and down. I got her the true size according to her weight and worried that I should have gone a size up for her ease of use, but they are perfect. It's a good transition and because they are heavy duty they can take all of the washing that comes along with this process. Target also carries these. 

Potty Wipes

We use the generic HEB brand from our local grocery store, but these are a must for #2 and you aren't supposed to flush regular baby wipes (who knew?) so it will save your plumbing. 

So here we are. Still working toward our end goal, but I can tell you I'm happy that we have gone through this. She was definitely ready and I think I was the hangup. After your child is ready, you should just take the time to figure out when you are. Because both of you need to be. I would say that you should pick a time when you feel blissfully happy with your child and your life, that way when everything goes downhill, you won't already be in a bad mood about it. But really, what do I know? So glad we are over the hump and moving along. So let's officially cut the crap.... This will be the last dedicated potty post. I am actually cooking this week. Rejoice!

Wave goodbye to all of this poop and pee! 

Bye bye.

-RT

Part 1

Part 2

"Mommy Tired" Real Life Potty Training (Part 2)

Philosotoddler questions everything...

 If you missed Part 1 of this harrowing tale, you can read it HERE and then come back. 

Where are we? Oh yes, L had locked me out of the house with nothing but yoga pants, a tee shirt, and an apron filled with snacks. I had just realized that our spare key was missing. She made note that I was "sad" and then I decided to try all of the doors and windows. Surely I left one open, except I knew I didn't. With S out of town I was on full security lock down, but I tried anyway because I had to do something. The house was locked up tight. As I walked from door to door to window, L followed me around the house. Mommy sure does play some fun games. I saw that she was ok and then walked next door to see if I could use my neighbor's phone. 

Since it's not 1960 anymore, pretty much every neighbor on my block was at work, but the couple next door were literally in their car about to leave and I ran like a crazy barefoot pregnant person to flag them down. I called S to task him with finding someone with a key to our house to come and assist me. Wrapped that convo up with my neighbors staring at me, and headed back to the back door to sit and cry. Because I really wasn't sure what else to do and this was probably one of the worst half days I have ever had.

They didn't have one with a picture of me locked out of the house

 L was waiting for me there and helpful little girl that she is, she had found a set of keys! Too bad I really just needed her to turn a lock. I got another "mommy sad" and then watched her try to put the keys in the deadbolt. I thought about breaking in a door. I tried to break in a door. Then I tried to break in another door. Yes, I am still pregnant here, but I'm not handicapped. But I am also apparently not good at breaking in doors. I just settle back in to wait for whatever hero is hopefully coming to save me and keep and eye on L. Since I don't have anything else going on, I try to get her to turn the lock. About five minutes later, she does. POTTY TRAINING MIRACLE. My excitement about this trumps all feigned excitement about pee pee in the potty. She has now seen right through me. We change into dry panties and get set for a PBJ. Like clockwork my father in law shows up with his key and was really nice about the fact that I have NO IDEA where our spare key is.

There has never been a nap time as sweet as this nap time. We put the rubber pants on over her big girl panties, I put the Ultimate Crib Sheet on top of her normal sheet, and minimized the amount of bed time props to the number I was comfortable cleaning pee or poop off of. And then I sighed.... and sat on the couch completely zoned out for two hours. Sweet, sweet, nap time. Precious in every way.

Besides zoning out I also thought through the morning and what was working and what wasn't. I decided we were going back into the bathroom to play with blocks and I was just going to set the timer to have her sit on the potty every 20 minutes. She woke up with mostly dry underwear that we switched out anyway and then moved back into the bathroom. When the next accident happened we did the ten "practice" rounds and she still thought they were the worst thing in her tiny life and I thought maybe that's a good thing. If she knows she has to practice after an accident and she doesn't like to practice then that might be the key to encourage her to hold it for the potty. And hold it she did...

Going back to the blog the author spoke about how after 20 minutes she would sit with her daughter on the potty until she peed because she just couldn't stand missing it and having an accident. I understood this. It made sense. Then an hour later we were once again sitting and waiting for pee. Singing songs and waiting for pee.... drinking juice out of lots and lots of different and interesting cups and waiting for pee..... doing flash cards and waiting for pee.... reading the same damn Bert and Ernie book of Opposites over and over again........ waiting for pee.

Juice tastes better out of a fisher price tea cup with a face

 This is when I started to curse via text. The texts looked like this:

"This is so fu***ng funny at this point. But she might be going now. She just called the potty her house."

This is pretty much the theme of the remainder of the afternoon. Sitting and waiting for pee. A line of the blog post was keeping me going at this point... "you can do almost anything for just one day" but I was really coming to terms with the fact that the dream of one day potty training was going to be a myth in our case. I was sitting on the bathroom floor staring at a bored toddler who was sitting on the potty holding her pee in. I put my head down on the side of the bathtub. Then I hear "mommy tired." She is nothing if not observant.

When it was time to eat dinner I could not have been more happy to leave the bathroom behind, even if it meant I had to clean up any possible accidents. The meal went well. It was not super healthful but at this point I was in survival mode. We sat down together while she ate and I would check in with her on if her panties were still dry. Sometimes she would stare at me or give me her people pleasing, high pitch, sing songy "YES" that has become one of my favorites this week. 

After dinner.... back to the bathroom. I was in this to win it or die trying (a real possibility at this point). More of the same. Sitting and waiting. And after a successful pee I shut this program down. Get in the bath... mommy is done potty training you today. Suzy (the potty training prop doll) needed a bath as well, so she jumped in and they had fun practicing the high dive off of the soap dish (Suzy, not Landon). This bath was the silver lining of my day. God knew I needed one.

Jump Suzy! "I got you!"

 I can say, without a doubt, the best diaper I ever put on a baby was the night time diaper that went on Landon the first day of potty training. It was like a pressure release button or some form of diaper xanax. After her bed time I had a good almost hour long chat sesh with a friend and S showed up later that night from the airport with flowers and raspberry sorbet. We picked up calzones for dinner. Magic.

Warning: the rest of this might not be interesting if you don't have kids. And it might not be interesting if you do have kids, but I thought I would let you know how the rest of the week went.

From here the days went as follows:

Day 2:
Overall theme:
SO THANKFUL to have S home helping. I woke up sore from sitting on the bathroom floor for hours and probably also from trying to break in the back doors.

How did she do:
L had more accidents this day, probably because we moved out of the bathroom and there were more life distractions.

What did we do:
We lived by the timer again this day, setting it for about every 25 or 30 minutes. When she had an accident we would have her check her underwear to see if they were wet or dry. Then she would help clean up the mess and we followed up with the practice going to the potty ten times. After practicing she would take off her wet panties by herself and put them in the hamper. Then put on a new dry pair and check them to make sure they were dry.

When I cried:
We tried the line of questioning again to make sure she understood the process and she once again was so eager to please that she just repeated and tried for what she wanted you to hear. This was kind of heart breaking at this point and also frustrating because she was doing EVERYTHING and knew the answers, but wouldn't say them. Pregnancy hormones...

What changed:
After this day we stopped doing the potty practice for accidents. I don't think I am an overly sensitive parent, but it was just basically making her feel awful and even though we were trying to be upbeat, it wasn't very productive having her cry through the whole thing. She also was holding in her #2 and we thought this would help relieve some pressure.

Day 3:
Overall Theme:
The day of mother guilt overload. I almost quit this day, even though the memory of how hard the first two days had been was fresh.

How did she do:
One accident in the morning, holding in everything, and scared to poop.

What did we do:
We set the timer for every 30 minutes, but she was very resistant about going #1 and about sitting on the potty. We tried to make everything super positive and brought back food rewards for her completion of the full potty process (from pulling down the pants to flushing). I was grasping at straws here.

When I cried:
Prior to this process L was regular 3 times a day. I knew she was holding and scared to have an accident and I felt awful about it. She told me "tummy hurts" and I wanted to strap a diaper on her SO badly, but I knew it was a decision that S and I had to make together. The mother guilt was just out of control.

What changed:
It was Sunday night and I questioned everything. I was ready to go back to diapers for the foreseeable future and do whatever necessary to make my child do #2. S pointed out that we had one more day of both of us at home and we should see how it went. I decided at this point to give up a lot of caring. To no longer care about accidents, to make her sit on the potty for an amount of time, but if she said she didn't have to go, to listen to her and trust her (within reason). Basically we got super positive about the potty and life.

Day Four:
Overall theme:
The turning point.

How did she do:
She pooped in the potty and I've never been happier to clean up crap. The only accident she had was while we were outside and it was a good one. She started to pee and stopped herself and told us. We went inside to the potty and she finished. Put her undies and shorts in the dirty clothes and put on a new pair.

What did we do:
We tried to have a normal day. We didn't live by the timer, we took her to the potty when we thought she might need to go. We removed the pressure. S took her to the park and she held it until she got home.

I stopped crying this day. So glad we pushed through.

What changed:
My outlook. I saw that this was working and felt real confirmation for the first time that she was really really ready to do this.

The Rest:
Things have been going well. I knew I needed to write this blog post soon because the potty training amnesia was already setting in. It was so vivid how awful the first day was and now just a few days later, it isn't really. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do this again. I mean, I will have to with other children, but each child gets one of these. Because GEEZ. For real. It is still the effing worst.

She has not had a totally accident free day yet, but #2 seems to be our only issue at this point. As long as she is going once a day I don't care if it's in her underwear or the potty. She is getting it and that is HUGE.

I know there will be set backs and I think I'm ready for them. We are trying to establish some set times where we sit on the potty, even if she doesn't go. Every morning after she wakes up, before we leave the house, before her nap, after her nap, before her bath, and after she brushes her teeth. This seems like a lot, but I just want her to get used to the idea of sitting and trying at certain times. Toddler steps.

When we have ventured out she has been great at holding it. I tried to have her go in the bathroom at Target... not happening. I mean, I don't want to go there, so why should she? This is when my mom gave me an amazing idea... the waterproof panties I had been using for nap time I could just slip over her underwear when we were on the go. Saving the car seat and me or any other objects (grocery cart) that might be under her. This gives me a new level of peace of mind. I still now travel with two changes of clothes and underwear.

I don't know at this point what I would do differently, but I'm sure that I screwed this thing up. I don't think the one day potty training is a myth, I think that it wasn't really the best plan for L and I was maybe not the best at the implementation. I think a good plan of action if you want to potty train is to look into a few methods and give yourself time to prepare. I don't know if I would have introduced the potty at all before I was ready to fully train. I think the fact that we had a potty but no real routine for a while before attempting full training set us back.

If I were not pregnant right now I think an ideal time for potty training would have been labor day weekend. It would have given her language development a little more time and maybe she would have answered the questions about the process. Really, who the hell knows? Maybe it would have been the exact same. It's like a necessary evil and I'm slowly getting back to living my life.

Dry panty check.

 How did I do this without cocktails? I said the eff word a lot (not to L), I have a great husband who did it with me, I have an amazing mom to make me not feel crazy, and I have killer friends. And I said the eff word a lot.

Adios diapers... hello self induced toddler constipation.

It's been a long one. Thanks for sticking around for the ride,

-RT

Part 3

"Mommy Sad"... The True Story of my Potty Training Journey (Part 1)

Gather round and dim the lights... I'm about to tell you a scary story. Maybe you saw this post and you thought for a half a second "OH, Becky is going to talk about food again FINALLY." But I'm not. (Did you see the title?) I have not had a food loving pregnancy this time around. When I am in a food mood I cook things that are my standby foods. Most of them we have already gone over. I'll make a valiant effort to do some good blogs before little boy is born in 6.5 weeks, then I'll fall off again and probably talk more about newborns and toddlers and maybe you'll forgive me. Once again... this is not a post about food.

Today, May 28, 2013... Potty Training Day 5. Except I wasn't home for this day. So I think it went pretty well. Maybe the best day of potty training so far. I only sat on the bathroom floor once. Progress.

What I am going to tell you here is maybe a cautionary tale... maybe it's a tragedy... maybe it's a comedy.... I'm hoping it will be an introduction to success. I haven't made a final determination yet. It is, after all, only day 5. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start... (Sound of Music reference)

Our potty training journey began when daughter was about 19 or 20 months old. We bought a potty for her to "get used to" and she used it every night before her bath. Then, if we could catch her, we would end up with a #2 in the potty every other day or so. I quickly decided that while the bath time potty break was a no brainer, staring at my child wondering if she was about to poop so I could run her to the potty wasn't very fun. So we decided to lay off until her vocabulary increased and the big move to undies was made. 

Fast forward to her 2 year check at the Dr and he tells me that she is very vocal and probably ready to potty train. And I was all "yay, great. Thanks so much Doc!" and secretly I'm like EFFFFF. Because you make a lot of judgments about parents before becoming one and then you find out they were mostly all wrong. Except my one judgement that was proving right: a lot of parents put off potty training because it's a son of a bitch. This is what I was doing. Unfortunately my putting off options weren't looking good. 1) I knew I would need heavy support for as long as possible starting this process 2) I figured a three day weekend was good timing 3) 32 weeks and I am not getting any less pregnant and 4) a newborn can't really give you a break for a day so you can do some intense one on one potty training. Memorial Day Weekend 2013. My fate was set. Then I did what I do best, I brainwashed myself into thinking this would be easy.

A while ago a friend had posted a link to a blog post about potty training in one day. She swore by this method and used it to train her daughter when she was around the same age as daughter is now (just over 2 years). Another friend potty trained her daughter when she was almost 2 with the naked bottoms for three days method. When comparing three days to one, I decided to go with one. I dove into the blog post, read through the comments and took mental notes of everything. One of the comments discussed the book that the one day method was kind of a modern hybrid of, and this book said it would take me EVEN LESS THAN ONE DAY so I was extra sold. The less time I have to do this, the better. I printed out the blog post, ordered the book and started to read/plan.

The things the Blog & Book said I would need:

A Potty Chair or Stool and Seat for the Big Potty

This is ours

A "Doll that Wets" (much harder to find than you thought)

We already have a dog named Annie in the family, so we changed her name to Suzy.

Training Panties

Gerber Brand was nice and thick

Waterproof Pants Covers (for naps and nights)

We used for naps, still diapers for nights

A "People Who Care" Chart

If by "chart" they mean printed photos of people who L likes to talk about, then I was spot on.

A Variety of Beverages to Water Your Child

Sweet and Salty Foods to Stimulate Their Thirst

I got all of the "junk" food at Whole Foods. To make myself feel better.

Special Treats (to be used as Rewards/Bribery)

Yes, this is a lame treat, but L loved it and it made me feel not as bad

An Apron with a Pocket to Hold Special Treats

32 Weeks Pregnant in an regular Apron is not this cute

Something to Clean Up Accidents

Some Sort of Not Super Distracting Activity (This was my back up emergency plan and I picked blocks)

Under $20 at Target. Easy

Kitchen Timer

Additional items I advise having after going through this process:

1. A strong marriage. Seriously. If you are going to go through this with your spouse you better like each other because it will be really easy not to when accidents happen on someone else's watch or potty training philosophies start being called into question. Lucky for me after one day alone I was so happy to have S there that I almost didn't care what he was doing.

2. A pillow to sit on in the bathroom. I didn't think about this until the next day.

3. Try to not be pregnant so you can have cocktails. After or maybe during if you need it. I think cocktails and potty training were really meant to be together. Sad for me....

4. A spare key hidden outside of your home (more on this later).

5. A good friend who you can text when things are getting ridiculous. Lucky for me I had two.

6. Bathroom mats that can be thrown in the washing machine.

7. An endless amount of patience or a pill (one that provides an endless amount of patience).

8. Someone who won't let you quit. A spouse, a friend, a parent.... someone to be your rock when your are ready to run to the store and buy a six month supply of diapers.

9. Take out. There is no way in hell you will want to cook dinner after day one. And probably not after day two. Spoiler alert... it took us more than one day.

10. Stain spray. For stains.

So this post is not about how to potty train. I am not qualified to really give that advice. Although I do find a lot of people who have not potty trained their child yet offer lots of advice to you when you embark on this journey. I wish them luck. A few people did say to me that L was too young or "so young" or things like that. I'll come back around to this later, but the truth is, she is capable and her pediatrician told me she was ready two months before I started trying. This is not a judgement. Honestly if I felt like I would have had a better opportunity later, I would have waited a little longer.

So D Day approached... I was doing my one on one day with L on Friday while S was still out of town for business. He was due back about 8pm that night. L woke up and we had a normal morning. I changed her diaper and made her a large and healthy breakfast since I was going to be feeding her juice, pop chips, peanut butter crackers, chocolate chip cookies, and other crap the rest of the day. Here is something food related: her breakfast consisted of whole wheat flax waffles, oatmeal, eggs, raspberries, and sliced banana. I wanted her to fill up as much as possible so I gave her a larger than normal breakfast with lots of variety.

After breakfast I got out all of my supplies and my notes. I turned on sesame street while I made myself a glass of tea and prepped the bathroom for my live in day. Then I got out L’s big girl panties and we had a chat about the potty. We got out Suzy the potty training doll. It was L’s job to teach Suzy how to use the potty. This is when she fell in love with Suzy and decided that it didn't matter if Suzy could potty or not, Suzy probably just needed a cuddle and a hug from her. Backfire. We taught Suzy anyway, then Suzy had her "accident" and we "practiced" going potty with her. More hugs and cuddles for Suzy.

Then we walked through the process with L. I was pumping her full of beverages at this point. On high rotation. She pulled her panties down, sat on the potty, went pee pee, we made a big deal, cleaned herself up, pulled up her panties (and big thanks to the book at this point) learned in one lesson how to lift the big potty lid, empty her little potty into the  big potty, close the lid and flush. After the flush we had a big celebration, ate a cookie, and sat to talk some more about the potty and how this whole thing worked.

A HUGE part of the process from the book was learning through her acknowledgments that she was understanding the steps and what was going on. So you ask questions like "where do we pee pee?" and your child is supposed to point to or say "potty" and other things like that. You also ask them to check to make sure they are dry. Enter frustration number one. L is great at following directions, but as a tiny people pleaser, she would most like to tell you what you want to hear. When she isn't sure what you want to hear, she just repeats what you have said back to her. This is how my day was going:

me: "L, where do we go pee pee?"

L: "where do we go pee pee?" (shrugs shoulders, stares at me)

me: "we go pee pee in the potty, right? Where is the potty?"

L: "where is the potty?" (puts arms in air, looks around theatrically)

me: "L, you know where the potty is, can you tell mommy"

L: "tell mommy potty" (smiles)

me: "no L, show mommy where the potty is"

L: "L show mommy potty" (stares at me, nods, then smiles)

me: "L, do you have dry panties?"

L: "dry panties?"

me: "feel your panties, are they wet or are they dry?"

L: (looks at me) "wet or dry?"

 me: (takes her hand to feel her behind) "Can you tell mommy if this is wet or dry?"

L: "tell mommy... wet or dry!" (smiles, nods head)

While sounding incredibly cute, this was actually insanely frustrating. Especially since we took time prior to training to learn all of these things, so I knew she knew. But moving on..... Time to sit on the potty again. Another #1 (how could she not at this point, I am literally FILLING her with juice) and she completes all of the steps after up to the flushing and I'm like, obviously she gets this. We have been in the bathroom for 2 hours. She looks around the bathroom and announces to me "L all done." I try to reason with her (reasoning with a toddler, clearly I am on a bad road here) and she loses it. I'm trying to stick to the book and I'm like "L we have to stay in the bathroom so we can potty like a big girl, blah blah etc blah" and she is all "NO, no potty" and makes for the door in a helpless fury and I cave and go for the blocks. This is when I start giving up on the book and going for the blog.

In the bathroom, hour three.

 Blocks are cool. They serve their purpose as a new toy and we have some fun building towers. Then we have the first accident and we follow the book/blog and practice going potty ten times back and forth afterward. The blog said something like "your child might think this is a funny game, but then it will just click". My child thought this was the most torturous experience of her life after the fifth "practice". I was pretty sure I was being upbeat and positive. Each "practice" starts with "no pee pee on the floor, pee pee in the potty" and then you run fast from the spot of the accident (and then other spots all over the house) to the potty and quickly lower pants, sit, stand, do over. The only turning point this brought about for me was the turning point of L being scared to death of peeing on the floor and doing something wrong. So she decided it was a good time to hold her pee. 

Around this time I sent the following text to my friend:

"The. Worst. Thing. Ever. This.     Hate. My. Life. Today."

I went for the blog philosophy again and got out the kitchen timer. She was apparently supposed to go every 15 to 20 minutes. Her beverage selection looked like this:

She held it.

I ran the bath, I put her hands in warm water, I tried every sleepover trick in the book aside from bra freezing. She held it. Then I sent this text:

"How has this child been sitting on the potty for an HOUR and not peed? Where is all of this juice going?"

After about an hour and a half I decided we were both hungry and could use some lunch. We head to the kitchen. I noticed there were a few little sugar ants near the door, so opened the back door to spray the walk. Then I heard L close the door behind me. No big deal. When I turned around to go back in, she had turned the lock. She doesn't know what turning the lock is. This was a first time experience for us. She stares at me through the french door and smiles. Hilarious. Pregnant, barefoot, wearing yoga pants, a white tee, and an apron (with snacks in the pockets) I head to the garage for the spare key. Too bad it isn't there.

I walk back to the door to contemplate my next move and not freak out. There is my child smiling at me with wet panties and a puddle of pee on the floor. I look at her, she looks at me and I hear her through the door... "mommy sad."

Hey, she finally got one right!

Obviously potty training is too much for one post, so I'll leave you with a cliff hanger... to recap, I'm outside barefoot with no phone and no key, but I am wearing a snappy apron filled with snacks. Landon is inside covered in pee. Could this day get any better?

-RT

Quick Link to Part Two

The New Most Popular Meal in My Life

It's fast, it's easy, it's bland, and it has been one of the only things I could/can consistently stomach for the last 2.5 months. Drum roll......

Special K

Skim Milk

See, I did have a legitimate one month long stomach bug. Then followed it up with the first trimester of our new pregnancy. We've got a new baby coming this summer! And I'm so excited that I've made myself sick over it. Or something like that. I'm hoping at 13.5 weeks I am on the other side of this badness. The absolute worst of it was around weeks 7 and 8. But I still had Special K for dinner 3 out of the last 7 nights of the week. And since I sometimes have it for breakfast too, I'm feeling pretty special. 

Today might be a turning point... I was home with L, we had an appt in the morning with her prospective preschool 2s program (seriously? I know. I had no idea.), and hit the grocery store this afternoon. Then I made dinner and semi straightened up the house before S came home. Things like this have not been happening lately. AND I think I might eat the dinner I made and just say no to my special friend. Progress. 

L has no idea what is about to hit her. She is just busy being busy and getting SUPER excited about the littlest and most fantastic things. What she is not excited about is the "I'm a Big Sister" book she got for Christmas. I now have about 30 pictures of her ignoring the book. Here are a few.

"Please take this away while I look at my owl book with no pants on."

This one took about 2 minutes of asking her to come see me and then asking her "where's the baby?" After she pointed to the baby she threw the book on the ground and ran away.

In a last ditch effort I set the book up like this and tried to get one of her walking up behind it. Out of absolutely nowhere, she did a somersault and I captured her mid flip. This was the winner.

So here we go! I'm hoping my cooking is going to pick up while my deathly ill feelings die down. We are really looking forward to meeting the fourth member of our family. Pregnant with a toddler is REAL LIFE. Wow. But I'm in it to win it. 

-RT

Diaper Disposal Wars

This sounds like it should be a new reality show. Maybe something on TLC or Discovery. Interested parties please contact me for more information. 

Top News Story

 What it is really about....... now hold on, because you non parents will just be FASCINATED by this..... it's a post about DIAPER PAILS!!!! And you thought you couldn't  be more excited. I'm full of surprises. In my first year of motherhood I had the fortune to use three different diaper pails. They all had their pluses and they all had their drawbacks. It led me to the conclusions that, for me, there is no such thing as the perfect diaper pail. This conclusion was not life altering. It was interesting in a weird, mom-centric kind of way. Here are my personal experiences with three of the MANY pails on the market.

Exhibit A: Baby Trend Diaper Champ Deluxe

Pros: you can use regular trash bags. Regular trash bags are much cheaper than the refills designed for most diaper pails.

Cons: when you read the product description is states that you should use the specific Diaper Champ refills for "maximum odor control." Maybe that helps, but I didn't get that far. This thing does not contain smell. Also, it's not hands free. You have to lift the little handle up and down to open and close it. 

Conclusion: If you don't mind using your hands and you are breastfeeding a baby (non smelly diapers) then this could be a good pail to save some money. But when your kid starts eating solid food, this pail will keep friends and family out in the yard. That might be a good thing for you. If so, move it to the "pros" area.

Exhibit B: Diaper Genie Elite 2

I don't know what "Elite 2" has to do with anything, but this is the version of the Diaper Genie that I see most often in stores and in homes, and it's the one I currently use so we are being very brand specific.

Pros: Hands free use. This is a huge one for me. You step on the pedal, throw in the diaper and that's it. Another huge plus is the bagging system. Because the disposal bag runs on kind of a constant loop, if you have a smelly diaper, you can trim the bag and take it out without having to waste an entire bag. One last pro for tiny babies with tiny diapers, this thing holds a TON of newborn/size1/size2 diapers. 

Cons: The refills are expensive, but I can justify this with the whole tear off bag. The Diaper Genie has been great, but as the diapers get smellier (as your kid gets older), my genie does not contain the smell very well. And as easy as it is to cut the bag and toss out the smelly diaper, I don't want to do it twice a day (or even once a day for that matter). Not that I have remarked on it to them, but I have also been to friend's homes who have toddlers and use a diaper genie and the kid's room usually smells. I'm sure people have noticed the same thing here...... But I tell myself they don't. 

Conclusion: I really like the Diaper Genie. It is basically perfect when you are breastfeeding and into the first stages of solid foods. I started really noticing that it wasn't containing smells when Landon was 15 or 16 months old. So now you might judge me because she is 21 months old and I'm still using ole smelly... I just loved the hands free so much. I was willing to change it more often. 

Exhibit C: Arm & Hammer Diaper Pail by Munchkin

Full disclosure: this is the pail I am thinking about switching back to.

Pros: This diaper pail is a SMELL CONTAINING MACHINE. It was the one I registered for but I'll save why I switched it out for the cons. Here is an example of the smell this thing can take on. This pail went to my mom's house for the nursery she keeps there. Landon has two cousins who are close to her in age and both in diapers. Three toddlers (a 2 years old, and two 20 month olds) can be at the house for the weekend, all using this diaper pail and we NEVER have to change the bag unless it gets full. Truth.

Cons: I can also call this section "things I overlook to contain diaper smell". The refill bags are expensive like all others and a set size, but since it contains smell there is really no need to change them until they are full. My biggest complaint with this pail is that you have to press down to lift the top, then shove the diaper through the smelliness seal (my name for it, not theirs) and then close the top to enact the whole twisting, smell containing machine. This would be fine now, but with a moving baby, you just need two hands, in my opinion. 

Conclusion: I think this one is really good for the older stage when you can use one hand and your kid has stinky style diapers. If I can get L to start doing #2 in the potty again, I will just stick with the diaper genie since our diaper volume is dropping (and will hopefully continue to do so). 

Now let's talk about stink control... what have I missed in the world of diaper disposal? Is there some magic device I should keep on my radar for next time around? Or do you totally disagree with my assessment of something above? I do think I tend to be a mix of overly smell conscious and too lazy to change diaper bags. Interesting combo. 

We'll get back to food soon, but I couldn't talk about food and diaper stink in the same post. If you don't understand that, we should have a talk. 

-RT