What I Really Want for Mother's Day

Last night I dreamed a dream about eating cupcakes. There. So that's how Not So Sweet May is going. Let's move on.

You see a lot of these "What I really want for Mother's Day" posts this time of year. And most of them go like this: "to go to the bathroom alone," "to sleep in," "to not have to cook anything, all day," "a quiet bath," and this year I saw a few "to be completely alone for 24 hours." Mothers work hard and they deserve to want what they want for Mother's Day. Wanting these things does not mean you love your kids less than anyone else. Moms for moms over here.

I often dream about having a day completely to myself. A day where I can read an entire book, leave the house without worrying about naps or bottles, and get dressed without making sure I can throw what I'm wearing in the wash to get spit up out of it. After some thought, and a second child, I realized that Mother's Day is not really a day for me. It's a day for me AND my kids.

What do I remember about Mother's Day? Usually, my memories involve getting dressed up and going to brunch with my maternal grandparents and most of my mom's 6 siblings, their spouses, and my cousins. We were always a large crowd. The grand presentation of homemade gifts, the hallmark cards passed around the table, and the dessert. Afterward, we came home, got comfortable and had a pretty normal Sunday. Then I wondered how I would feel if my memories of Mother's Day consisted of my mother being alone while we did something with my Dad.... and when I put it that way it didn't sit well. 

As a parent, I spend a lot of time trying to create memorable experiences for my children. Things they will look back on and think of fondly. The funny thing is that most of my fond early memories with my mother were normal occurrences, or daily routines. I remember looking at her blond hair from the backseat of her car as we drove from here to there. You know the sound that a leather steering wheel makes as you complete a turn and let it glide back into position through your hands? I remember that. And I was fascinated by it. I couldn't wait to be able to drive so that I could turn a steering wheel just like my mom. 

I remember the round rug that used to be on the floor of her bathroom. I would sit there and watch her get ready for dinner with my father, an evening with friends, or a business outing in the city. There are great 1980's details like the way she used a curling iron to perfectly sweep her bangs to the side, and her favorite shade of Clinique lipstick. (It was Watermelon and has since been discontinued, but it could make a comeback!) She would sometimes ask me to help fasten her bracelets, and I would sometimes beg her to stay home instead of leaving. After she left I'd go back into her bathroom, sit down on the round rug and breath in her lingering perfume. It was Yvonne LaFleur from an eclectic shop of the same name in the Riverbend area of New Orleans. 

These memories are warm in my soul. They are forever rooted there. The feeling of being driven is a feeling of being cared for, being taken along for the ride. Witnessing the ritual of getting ready taught me the importance of taking time to dress up when the occasion calls for it. The time to be a woman, wife, friend or sister for the day or evening, and take a short break from being someone's mom. The times when my mother was likely not trying to make me feel specifically cared for or to teach me anything, those were the times that I learned and remembered.

What I really want is for Mother's Day to be day one of another new year as a mother. This year I resolve to be happy. To create a foundation for these basic moments to one day serve as a beautiful memory for my children. To make the day to day tasks more sweet for all of us. To spend time letting my 10 month old crawl all over me and not worry about spit up. To play whatever game my 3 year old wants to play. To appreciate my husband for the ways he provides, supports, and helps me to be a better mother. AND I also really want to sleep in. 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom. Through her daily actions she continues to teach me what being a mother is about. I love you to the moon and back.

My two best girls.