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| Philosotoddler questions everything... |
Where are we? Oh yes, L had locked me out of the house with nothing but yoga pants, a tee shirt, and an apron filled with snacks. I had just realized that our spare key was missing. She made note that I was "sad" and then I decided to try all of the doors and windows. Surely I left one open, except I knew I didn't. With S out of town I was on full security lock down, but I tried anyway because I had to do something. The house was locked up tight. As I walked from door to door to window, L followed me around the house. Mommy sure does play some fun games. I saw that she was ok and then walked next door to see if I could use my neighbor's phone.
Since it's not 1960 anymore, pretty much every neighbor on my block was at work, but the couple next door were literally in their car about to leave and I ran like a crazy barefoot pregnant person to flag them down. I called S to task him with finding someone with a key to our house to come and assist me. Wrapped that convo up with my neighbors staring at me, and headed back to the back door to sit and cry. Because I really wasn't sure what else to do and this was probably one of the worst half days I have ever had.
L was waiting for me there and helpful little girl that she is, she had found a set of keys! Too bad I really just needed her to turn a lock. I got another "mommy sad" and then watched her try to put the keys in the deadbolt. I thought about breaking in a door. I tried to break in a door. Then I tried to break in another door. Yes, I am still pregnant here, but I'm not handicapped. But I am also apparently not good at breaking in doors. I just settle back in to wait for whatever hero is hopefully coming to save me and keep and eye on L. Since I don't have anything else going on, I try to get her to turn the lock. About five minutes later, she does. POTTY TRAINING MIRACLE. My excitement about this trumps all feigned excitement about pee pee in the potty. She has now seen right through me. We change into dry panties and get set for a PBJ. Like clockwork my father in law shows up with his key and was really nice about the fact that I have NO IDEA where our spare key is.
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| They didn't have one with a picture of me locked out of the house |
There has never been a nap time as sweet as this nap time. We put the rubber pants on over her big girl panties, I put the Ultimate Crib Sheet on top of her normal sheet, and minimized the amount of bed time props to the number I was comfortable cleaning pee or poop off of. And then I sighed.... and sat on the couch completely zoned out for two hours. Sweet, sweet, nap time. Precious in every way.
Besides zoning out I also thought through the morning and what was working and what wasn't. I decided we were going back into the bathroom to play with blocks and I was just going to set the timer to have her sit on the potty every 20 minutes. She woke up with mostly dry underwear that we switched out anyway and then moved back into the bathroom. When the next accident happened we did the ten "practice" rounds and she still thought they were the worst thing in her tiny life and I thought maybe that's a good thing. If she knows she has to practice after an accident and she doesn't like to practice then that might be the key to encourage her to hold it for the potty. And hold it she did...
Going back to the blog the author spoke about how after 20 minutes she would sit with her daughter on the potty until she peed because she just couldn't stand missing it and having an accident. I understood this. It made sense. Then an hour later we were once again sitting and waiting for pee. Singing songs and waiting for pee.... drinking juice out of lots and lots of different and interesting cups and waiting for pee..... doing flash cards and waiting for pee.... reading the same damn Bert and Ernie book of Opposites over and over again........ waiting for pee.
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| Juice tastes better out of a fisher price tea cup with a face |
"This is so fu***ng funny at this point. But she might be going now. She just called the potty her house."
This is pretty much the theme of the remainder of the afternoon. Sitting and waiting for pee. A line of the blog post was keeping me going at this point... "you can do almost anything for just one day" but I was really coming to terms with the fact that the dream of one day potty training was going to be a myth in our case. I was sitting on the bathroom floor staring at a bored toddler who was sitting on the potty holding her pee in. I put my head down on the side of the bathtub. Then I hear "mommy tired." She is nothing if not observant.
When it was time to eat dinner I could not have been more happy to leave the bathroom behind, even if it meant I had to clean up any possible accidents. The meal went well. It was not super healthful but at this point I was in survival mode. We sat down together while she ate and I would check in with her on if her panties were still dry. Sometimes she would stare at me or give me her people pleasing, high pitch, sing songy "YES" that has become one of my favorites this week.
When it was time to eat dinner I could not have been more happy to leave the bathroom behind, even if it meant I had to clean up any possible accidents. The meal went well. It was not super healthful but at this point I was in survival mode. We sat down together while she ate and I would check in with her on if her panties were still dry. Sometimes she would stare at me or give me her people pleasing, high pitch, sing songy "YES" that has become one of my favorites this week.
After dinner.... back to the bathroom. I was in this to win it or die trying (a real possibility at this point). More of the same. Sitting and waiting. And after a successful pee I shut this program down. Get in the bath... mommy is done potty training you today. Suzy (the potty training prop doll) needed a bath as well, so she jumped in and they had fun practicing the high dive off of the soap dish (Suzy, not Landon). This bath was the silver lining of my day. God knew I needed one.
I can say, without a doubt, the best diaper I ever put on a baby was the night time diaper that went on Landon the first day of potty training. It was like a pressure release button or some form of diaper xanax. After her bed time I had a good almost hour long chat sesh with a friend and S showed up later that night from the airport with flowers and raspberry sorbet. We picked up calzones for dinner. Magic.
Warning: the rest of this might not be interesting if you don't have kids. And it might not be interesting if you do have kids, but I thought I would let you know how the rest of the week went.
From here the days went as follows:
Day 2:
Overall theme:
SO THANKFUL to have S home helping. I woke up sore from sitting on the bathroom floor for hours and probably also from trying to break in the back doors.
How did she do:
L had more accidents this day, probably because we moved out of the bathroom and there were more life distractions.
What did we do:
We lived by the timer again this day, setting it for about every 25 or 30 minutes. When she had an accident we would have her check her underwear to see if they were wet or dry. Then she would help clean up the mess and we followed up with the practice going to the potty ten times. After practicing she would take off her wet panties by herself and put them in the hamper. Then put on a new dry pair and check them to make sure they were dry.
When I cried:
We tried the line of questioning again to make sure she understood the process and she once again was so eager to please that she just repeated and tried for what she wanted you to hear. This was kind of heart breaking at this point and also frustrating because she was doing EVERYTHING and knew the answers, but wouldn't say them. Pregnancy hormones...
What changed:
After this day we stopped doing the potty practice for accidents. I don't think I am an overly sensitive parent, but it was just basically making her feel awful and even though we were trying to be upbeat, it wasn't very productive having her cry through the whole thing. She also was holding in her #2 and we thought this would help relieve some pressure.
Day 3:
Overall Theme:
The day of mother guilt overload. I almost quit this day, even though the memory of how hard the first two days had been was fresh.
How did she do:
One accident in the morning, holding in everything, and scared to poop.
What did we do:
We set the timer for every 30 minutes, but she was very resistant about going #1 and about sitting on the potty. We tried to make everything super positive and brought back food rewards for her completion of the full potty process (from pulling down the pants to flushing). I was grasping at straws here.
When I cried:
Prior to this process L was regular 3 times a day. I knew she was holding and scared to have an accident and I felt awful about it. She told me "tummy hurts" and I wanted to strap a diaper on her SO badly, but I knew it was a decision that S and I had to make together. The mother guilt was just out of control.
What changed:
It was Sunday night and I questioned everything. I was ready to go back to diapers for the foreseeable future and do whatever necessary to make my child do #2. S pointed out that we had one more day of both of us at home and we should see how it went. I decided at this point to give up a lot of caring. To no longer care about accidents, to make her sit on the potty for an amount of time, but if she said she didn't have to go, to listen to her and trust her (within reason). Basically we got super positive about the potty and life.
Day Four:
Overall theme:
The turning point.
How did she do:
She pooped in the potty and I've never been happier to clean up crap. The only accident she had was while we were outside and it was a good one. She started to pee and stopped herself and told us. We went inside to the potty and she finished. Put her undies and shorts in the dirty clothes and put on a new pair.
What did we do:
We tried to have a normal day. We didn't live by the timer, we took her to the potty when we thought she might need to go. We removed the pressure. S took her to the park and she held it until she got home.
I stopped crying this day. So glad we pushed through.
What changed:
My outlook. I saw that this was working and felt real confirmation for the first time that she was really really ready to do this.
The Rest:
Things have been going well. I knew I needed to write this blog post soon because the potty training amnesia was already setting in. It was so vivid how awful the first day was and now just a few days later, it isn't really. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do this again. I mean, I will have to with other children, but each child gets one of these. Because GEEZ. For real. It is still the effing worst.
She has not had a totally accident free day yet, but #2 seems to be our only issue at this point. As long as she is going once a day I don't care if it's in her underwear or the potty. She is getting it and that is HUGE.
I know there will be set backs and I think I'm ready for them. We are trying to establish some set times where we sit on the potty, even if she doesn't go. Every morning after she wakes up, before we leave the house, before her nap, after her nap, before her bath, and after she brushes her teeth. This seems like a lot, but I just want her to get used to the idea of sitting and trying at certain times. Toddler steps.
When we have ventured out she has been great at holding it. I tried to have her go in the bathroom at Target... not happening. I mean, I don't want to go there, so why should she? This is when my mom gave me an amazing idea... the waterproof panties I had been using for nap time I could just slip over her underwear when we were on the go. Saving the car seat and me or any other objects (grocery cart) that might be under her. This gives me a new level of peace of mind. I still now travel with two changes of clothes and underwear.
I don't know at this point what I would do differently, but I'm sure that I screwed this thing up. I don't think the one day potty training is a myth, I think that it wasn't really the best plan for L and I was maybe not the best at the implementation. I think a good plan of action if you want to potty train is to look into a few methods and give yourself time to prepare. I don't know if I would have introduced the potty at all before I was ready to fully train. I think the fact that we had a potty but no real routine for a while before attempting full training set us back.
If I were not pregnant right now I think an ideal time for potty training would have been labor day weekend. It would have given her language development a little more time and maybe she would have answered the questions about the process. Really, who the hell knows? Maybe it would have been the exact same. It's like a necessary evil and I'm slowly getting back to living my life.
How did I do this without cocktails? I said the eff word a lot (not to L), I have a great husband who did it with me, I have an amazing mom to make me not feel crazy, and I have killer friends. And I said the eff word a lot.
Adios diapers... hello self induced toddler constipation.
It's been a long one. Thanks for sticking around for the ride,
-RT
Part 3
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| Jump Suzy! "I got you!" |
Warning: the rest of this might not be interesting if you don't have kids. And it might not be interesting if you do have kids, but I thought I would let you know how the rest of the week went.
From here the days went as follows:
Day 2:
Overall theme:
SO THANKFUL to have S home helping. I woke up sore from sitting on the bathroom floor for hours and probably also from trying to break in the back doors.
How did she do:
L had more accidents this day, probably because we moved out of the bathroom and there were more life distractions.
What did we do:
We lived by the timer again this day, setting it for about every 25 or 30 minutes. When she had an accident we would have her check her underwear to see if they were wet or dry. Then she would help clean up the mess and we followed up with the practice going to the potty ten times. After practicing she would take off her wet panties by herself and put them in the hamper. Then put on a new dry pair and check them to make sure they were dry.
When I cried:
We tried the line of questioning again to make sure she understood the process and she once again was so eager to please that she just repeated and tried for what she wanted you to hear. This was kind of heart breaking at this point and also frustrating because she was doing EVERYTHING and knew the answers, but wouldn't say them. Pregnancy hormones...
What changed:
After this day we stopped doing the potty practice for accidents. I don't think I am an overly sensitive parent, but it was just basically making her feel awful and even though we were trying to be upbeat, it wasn't very productive having her cry through the whole thing. She also was holding in her #2 and we thought this would help relieve some pressure.
Day 3:
Overall Theme:
The day of mother guilt overload. I almost quit this day, even though the memory of how hard the first two days had been was fresh.
How did she do:
One accident in the morning, holding in everything, and scared to poop.
What did we do:
We set the timer for every 30 minutes, but she was very resistant about going #1 and about sitting on the potty. We tried to make everything super positive and brought back food rewards for her completion of the full potty process (from pulling down the pants to flushing). I was grasping at straws here.
When I cried:
Prior to this process L was regular 3 times a day. I knew she was holding and scared to have an accident and I felt awful about it. She told me "tummy hurts" and I wanted to strap a diaper on her SO badly, but I knew it was a decision that S and I had to make together. The mother guilt was just out of control.
What changed:
It was Sunday night and I questioned everything. I was ready to go back to diapers for the foreseeable future and do whatever necessary to make my child do #2. S pointed out that we had one more day of both of us at home and we should see how it went. I decided at this point to give up a lot of caring. To no longer care about accidents, to make her sit on the potty for an amount of time, but if she said she didn't have to go, to listen to her and trust her (within reason). Basically we got super positive about the potty and life.
Day Four:
Overall theme:
The turning point.
How did she do:
She pooped in the potty and I've never been happier to clean up crap. The only accident she had was while we were outside and it was a good one. She started to pee and stopped herself and told us. We went inside to the potty and she finished. Put her undies and shorts in the dirty clothes and put on a new pair.
What did we do:
We tried to have a normal day. We didn't live by the timer, we took her to the potty when we thought she might need to go. We removed the pressure. S took her to the park and she held it until she got home.
I stopped crying this day. So glad we pushed through.
What changed:
My outlook. I saw that this was working and felt real confirmation for the first time that she was really really ready to do this.
The Rest:
Things have been going well. I knew I needed to write this blog post soon because the potty training amnesia was already setting in. It was so vivid how awful the first day was and now just a few days later, it isn't really. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do this again. I mean, I will have to with other children, but each child gets one of these. Because GEEZ. For real. It is still the effing worst.
She has not had a totally accident free day yet, but #2 seems to be our only issue at this point. As long as she is going once a day I don't care if it's in her underwear or the potty. She is getting it and that is HUGE.
I know there will be set backs and I think I'm ready for them. We are trying to establish some set times where we sit on the potty, even if she doesn't go. Every morning after she wakes up, before we leave the house, before her nap, after her nap, before her bath, and after she brushes her teeth. This seems like a lot, but I just want her to get used to the idea of sitting and trying at certain times. Toddler steps.
When we have ventured out she has been great at holding it. I tried to have her go in the bathroom at Target... not happening. I mean, I don't want to go there, so why should she? This is when my mom gave me an amazing idea... the waterproof panties I had been using for nap time I could just slip over her underwear when we were on the go. Saving the car seat and me or any other objects (grocery cart) that might be under her. This gives me a new level of peace of mind. I still now travel with two changes of clothes and underwear.
I don't know at this point what I would do differently, but I'm sure that I screwed this thing up. I don't think the one day potty training is a myth, I think that it wasn't really the best plan for L and I was maybe not the best at the implementation. I think a good plan of action if you want to potty train is to look into a few methods and give yourself time to prepare. I don't know if I would have introduced the potty at all before I was ready to fully train. I think the fact that we had a potty but no real routine for a while before attempting full training set us back.
If I were not pregnant right now I think an ideal time for potty training would have been labor day weekend. It would have given her language development a little more time and maybe she would have answered the questions about the process. Really, who the hell knows? Maybe it would have been the exact same. It's like a necessary evil and I'm slowly getting back to living my life.
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| Dry panty check. |
Adios diapers... hello self induced toddler constipation.
It's been a long one. Thanks for sticking around for the ride,
-RT
Part 3
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