Vagina is Not a Dirty Word

Oh... Heeeeey there. So, this is awkward. It's been a while, hasn't it? I figured since I haven't blogged in a really long time, I might as well come back with a winning title for my post. I was also like... OH GAWD, not ANOTHER post about my excuses for not blogging... but here's my newest one: Pregnancy hormones are turning me into an angry person. Pretty much everything I encounter in my day is doing some injustice to me personally and when I was wondering what to blog about, most of my answers revolved around topics like: "Why do as$holes tailgate you when you are already speeding in the fast lane", "Why do my normal clothes make me look like I've been on a holiday calorie binge, but maternity clothes make me look like I'm wearing a circus tent and hiding a spare tire, that honestly isn't there", and lots of "Toddlers make grown women want to curl up in a ball and cry, except when the grown women are pregnant, in which case they cause you to call a time out for yourself so that you don't break things (specifically your own child)." That was one hell of a run on sentence with lots of other bad grammar in between. I hope you enjoyed it. You aren't here for the grammar, be honest. 

I was worried. Worried that this blog would turn into my personal, hormonal, pregnancy bitch fest, so I stayed away. And why am I  back? Did I get my negativity together? No, I did not. I got a lot of nice feedback from friends asking why I hadn't blogged and then I decided that I wasn't really worried anymore. I might as well get something down in blog land until I have a newborn on my hands (3.5 months from now!!) and REALLY fall off. To quote something that people say a lot that I personally can't stand.... it is what it is. Ughh. I feel dirty for saying that. Let's clean up with some vagina chat...

Since Landon started learning words and asking "what's that" we have started naming things. And frankly, the least offensive word I could think of for a vagina was the word vagina. When I was growing up the whole area was you "bottom". As in "put some underwear on your bottom." Not offensive, but I'm thinking, a penis is a penis, why can't a vagina be a vagina? Apparently, just because. I have been kind of shocked at some reactions I have received when discussing this (always with women) and it is women who seem somewhat shocked or embarrassed by the word itself. I mean Oprah can't even say "vagina". She has to take a tip from Shonda Rhimes and call it a "vajayjay" which, I'm sorry, I hate the most.

Here is my question again, why can't we just call a vagina a vagina? I might start using that in place of "let's call a spade a spade" except I won't because I never say that. Once upon a time my friend S sent me a link to a dad blog that made me DIE with laughter.  I have just spent too much time trying to find this post and my search key words were not really yielding the best results. The gist was that the mom was having a night out and this dad's two young daughters (maybe 4 and 7) got out of bed to have an argument in front of him about the older daughter accusing the younger one of "putting her vagina on my pillow and making my pillow smell like her smelly vagina" and you younger one yelling over and over again "I do  not have a smelly vagina." And the look that I would like to picture on this man's face was probably the same look on S's face when he overheard me discussing body parts with L for the first time. I need to find that blog post. 

Introducing Henry the Puffy Taco, one of the official mascots of the San Antonio Missions Baseball team.
Make your own joke here.

  This has been an interesting topic of conversation in my life the last few months. Hearing from friends what their mother's taught them to call their feminine areas has been more hilarious than pretty much anything. So if you need to come clean, admit your vagina shame below. And if not, let's just move forward and be anatomically correct so our daughters don't have to blush when someone tells them that a baby comes out of a vagina, and not a vajayjay. 

Back in business with a bang. 

-RT

UPDATE 2.0: Vagina shame has spread to fear of blog comments. I have gotten SO many emails today about this post with amazing words that grandmothers, mothers, and current mother friends of mine are using with their daughters. Please enjoy:

Grandmother Terms:
Kitty (yep)
Possible (I haven't been able to figure out where this even came from)
Twatty (seriously)

The rest:
Vulva (the REAL correct term for the entire area including the vagina and all of the labias and things)
Girl Bits
Girl Parts
Lady Area
Privates
Front
Vee
Vagina

So thankful none of my friends were calling it a "pee pee". The WORST.

First UPDATE: I have received a few concerned email and also some hilarious ones. I promise I am not at a place where I will be harming my child anytime soon. If I get near to that place, I will call many of the kind friends who volunteered. Or I'll take advantage of your kindness and call you anyway. :)