It might happen... this might become a blog about toddlers and pregnancy. Listen, it's not that I'm going for that, it's just that... Well, what's going on in my life right now? Toddlers. Oh, and also, pregnancy. I'm turning to my go-to meals a lot, the ones that you have already heard of. Things like Salmon and Kale, and King Ranch Casserole. And cereal. I have the energy level of half of a sloth. NOT EVEN A WHOLE SLOTH. That is serious. Have you ever seen a sloth? Here is a video of one:
You might be wondering why the video looks like a picture. It's just that the sloth moves so slow, they are basically the same thing. No time to argue... half a sloth over here trying to bang this one out.
In other sadness topics, let's talk about my super BFF sugar. You remember sugar, right? We go waaaay back. It turns out that sugar is not my friend recently. It's been giving me headaches and general badness feelings if I eat it at the wrong times. Know what else isn't my BFF? SIMPLE CARBS. I mean.... all I want to eat right now in my little pregnant world is sugar and simple carbs. Seriously. Load me up with rice and pasta, a side of mashed potatoes, and we'll wash it down with chocolate cake....not anymore.
To say a proper (and temporary) farewell to my sweet, sweet friend, I'm giving you fattening Friday on a Wednesday. And maybe on Friday too. I guess we'll just have to see how this goes.
Over 14 years ago I bought some country magazine because it had a picture of George Strait on the cover. Lay off, some girls liked Justin Timberlake, I liked George Strait. And Robert Downey, Jr and Dave Grohl. We'll call my tastes eclectic. Where were we.. yes, the magazine. There was a cooking insert with some C&W stars and their favorite holiday recipes. I paid no attention to it, but my mom did. She found a contribution from Dolly Parton (or more likely her publicist/PR person) for Saltine Cracker Toffee Candy. This was one of the fantastic things I made for friends for Christmas that never got delivered. Sorry friends. Love you friends. You are lighter because of me, friends.
On a scale of zero to healthy, this recipe ranks somewhere around Paula Deen. Y'all.
You will need a baking sheet, foil to line it with, saltine crackers, butter, brown sugar, milk chocolate chips, and chopped pecans or walnuts. Line your baking sheet (one with a rim) with foil and lay out your crackers just so:
I used a large coking sheet so I doubled the recipe. Have no fear, the legitimate recipe with correct measurements is below. I put my butter (HAY PAULA) and my brown sugar in a pot on the stove and stirred while the mixture heated to a boil. Then you boil it gently for 3-5 minutes until the graininess of the sugar is gone.
After you get to a good texture with the "toffee" portion, you pour it evenly over the saltine crackers. It should look like this:
Then you pop it in the oven for five minutes at 375 degrees. It comes out looking remarkably the same as when it went in. That's ok. This is actually a different photo than the one above:
Immediately sprinkle the milk chocolate chips over the toffee cracker mixture like this:
They begin to melt pretty much as soon as they hit the hot pan. I took a soup spoon, rubbed the back in one of the butter wrappers and spread the chocolate evenly over the crackers.
Right after this you sprinkle the chopped walnuts or pecans over the top. I used pecans because it's what I had on hand. Final product looks like this:
The last step is to put it in the fridge to set. About an hour should be good if the weather is right. If it's humid or hot outside it will take longer. Once it's cool you will cut it for serving. I prefer to run diagonal and a pizza cutter works amazingly well for this. Just make sure you peel back the foil or pick it off of your cut pieces. Whichever method you prefer.
This tastes like Heath bars. Or Skor bars depending on your geographic location. It is TO DIE for. And the few tastes I had before retiring to my sick bed were amazing. Again, sorry friends. If you are feeling indulgent this is a good one to indulge with.
This post taking forever for me to write was brought to you by a brief interruption by The Mindy Project. One of the best and most awkward episodes ever tonight. Since I can no longer be obsessed about margaritas, vodka, or sugar, I'm kind of obsessed about this show.
Sorry I'm not sorry.... about all of the added sugar and calories.
-RT
CHOCOLATE TOFFEE SALTINE CANDY
COOKIES
Ingredients:
About 35 saltine crackers
1 cup butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 – 11-1/2 ounce
package milk chocolate pieces
1 cup chopped nuts
1. Line a 15
X 10 X 1 inch baking pan with foil. Place crackers in a single layer to
completely cover bottom of baking pan (cut crackers to fit, if necessary). Set the pan aside.
2.
In a medium saucepan, combine butter and
sugar. Heat and stir over medium heat
till mixture boils; boil gently for three minutes. Pour butter mixture evenly over
crackers. Bake in 375 degree oven for 5
minutes.
3.
Remove from oven and immediately sprinkle with
milk chocolate pieces. Let stand for a
few minutes to melt; spread chocolate evenly over all.
4.
Sprinkle with nuts, pressing lightly. Chill.
Cut into squares or diamonds to serve.
Makes about 48 small cookies.
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