Easy and Indecent Beer Can Chicken

We're going to make this quick and dirty. Tonight it's time to molest some chickens. Don't worry, they want it this way, and so do you. There are many variations on "Beer Can Chicken." Some do it in the oven, some on the grill, and some in so many different ways it makes your head want to spin. Most use beer, others use salad dressing, and still others use a can of baked beans that they then pair with the chicken after cooking. Whatever you choose, this is a pretty basic and fool proof way to cook chicken. If you are a girl still waiting to approach the grill, this is a great starting point. ANYONE can do this. If you can't, email me so I can laugh help you. In real life, you can do this. If you need some help with something TELL ME.

Look, this idiot did it. you can too!

For the purposes of this blog, let's just consider me a Beer Can Chicken traditionalist. I set out to do my Beer Can Chicken on the grill using actual beer. Call me crazy, but I like to master the basics before branching out and ruining dinner (again). They do make a stand for the chicken that you can buy, but I like to live dangerously and the chicken with the can stuck up it's rear actually creates a nice little tripod.

Here I am... I had a whole fryer that I picked up from the farmer's market. Since these chickens are not pumped full of hormones and other crazies, they are a nice small size that is easy for two people to split for dinner. Meet my chicken. We'll call her Sharon. I have no idea why.

I was kind of surprised to find that Sharon did not have her organs in a neat little bag inside of her belly. I was also surprised to find that cluck still had her neck. At least they took the head. It's the little things. Really. 

Next I found a beer in a can. It was kind of hard. I never realized how many bottles we have. Pop the top and drink (or if you want to be totally chaste about it, throw out) half of the beer. 

Hello Beer.

Pick up ole Sharon (the chicken) and rinse her off in some water in the sink, patting her dry. Then pick out your favorite dry rub. I like Uncle Chris' Gourmet Steak Seasoning. On everything. Especially steak and chicken.

After rubbing the chicken you are going to prepare to shove the beer can where the sun don't shine. Take a deep breath and tell the chicken to spread 'em. 

"You might feel a slight pinch"

See what I said about a natural tripod? Who needs a stand, really?

I had my grill heating up on high heat. When I brought the chicken out I turned off one of the burners and kept the rest running medium high, somewhere around 350 to 400 degrees. It is best to cook the chicken with indirect heat, so you don't want to have it directly over the fire or burners. I have a gas grill, and on any grill really you need to make sure the chicken set up on the beer can will fit with the grill top closed. You might have to remove a rack. In a charcoal grill you will need to make sure the coals are positioned so that you can have the chicken on indirect heat. 

 

I settled Sharon in and closed the top. About thirty minutes later... it started to rain. I called S to see if it was possible to grill in the rain. Apparently it is frowned upon. Quick as lightening I preheated the oven to 400 degrees and got ready to make a switch. After thirty minutes on the grill, Sharon was looking pretty chill.

Word

Using some tongs and an oven mitt, I transferred Sharon to a baking sheet and brought her inside to move into the oven. 

Totally relaxed in the oven.

After 30 additional minutes in the oven, I took the chicken out to cool. We were about to eat it, so it loses it's catchy name. I should have called it "Dinner." 

I really like how the chicken looks like it's sitting on a stool relaxing.

We removed the can and threw it away. That can is nasty. You don't want to keep it. This is why I don't understand the baked beans version of Beer Can Chicken. Once you remove the can, the chicken looks really violated. It's ok, you are about to carve it into pieces. It will get better. 

Violation

And finally, your chicken is cooked.

This one was amazing. I don't know if it was a size bonus or what, it makes me hungry for it all over again. Another cooking trick you can do with this (if you like BBQ chicken) is basting it with your favorite sauce or marinade the last ten minutes of cooking. Of course, that works much better on the grill than in the oven. S does this a lot for foolproof BBQ Chicken. I think it's less messy overall and less expensive. Most of the time buying a whole fryer (or Broiler or Roaster... aka a whole chicken) is less expensive or the same cost as buying three breasts. And who doesn't love drumsticks? Tell me. I'm going to get them! 

Basic cooking for the beer can chicken is 1 hour on the grill on indirect heat with the coals or other burners burning on high heat to maintain 350 - 400 degrees. I'm not sure the exact science of doing it in the oven, I kind of winged it. But if you can't do a grill, the oven seemed just as easy. I'm sure you could google an easy Beer Can Chicken in the Oven recipe. 

Back to food. It feels so good. Go cook your chicken!

-RT

Angry Ben Folds Judged My Parenting and other things

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. We did. It is so much fun to watch Landon play with her cousins. We brought the kid's table back for the first time in YEARS. It was amazing. The rest of the weekend consisted of a surprise birthday/engagement party, S's bday, a 40th wedding anniversary, and extended cousin play days. IT WAS EXHAUSTING, but in the MOST fun, would do it all over again way. Not to brag or exaggerate, but my family is actually the best. Even though we never went on Family Double Dare, it's totally true. 

At one point in my life I thought this would be amazing. Now I understand that it would have been the opposite of amazing.

 So we were out to dinner in a grand conclusion to this amazing 4.5 day weekend and Landy was not really in an out to dinner mood. On the fifth day of her schedule being out of whack, I can't say I blame her. She's 19 months old after all. Being the anxious type of person that I am, my diaper bag is always filled with distractions. The final straw, the mother of all distractions, is the iPad. What if I told you we bought an iPad for our daughter? We didn't, but we kind of also did. I was flying solo with Landon to take her to her first bachelorette party and that's the occasion that made us pull the iPad trigger. S definitely uses it the most though, so I like to think it's for him. 

iPad Baby.

 Back to dinner. L doesn't want to read about pudgy puppies, she doesn't want to eat her snack, not into the pig book that feels like a real pig (or something), and just says no to sesame street youtube on my phone. Seeing as how I actually wanted myself and those around me to enjoy their dinners, I pulled out the iPad, hooked Landy up with Elmo's World, and we all ate our dinner in a nice, civilized fashion. When the food came the iPad went. When the food went the iPad came. All was right with the world. 

That is, until snarky, angry Ben Folds decided to very loudly talk about my iPad parenting decision. To be fair, S was involved in another conversation, so this is likely the first he is hearing about this. Some late 30s/ early 40s DB in super skinny jeans (do they make man jeggings?), converse sneakers, and hipster glasses leans over to say something to his friend about the fact that my child is watching sesame street at a restaurant. And I was like "Whoa angry Ben Folds type. Perhaps you have listened to "Brick" a few too many times and need to get more in the groove of "You Don't Know Me"." So yeah, I do maybe know some Ben Folds songs.....

"And then she gave her baby an iPad and I was all OMG, that is so lame." - angry Ben Folds

  Anyway, angry Ben Folds type proceeds to loudly tell the woman next to him about his killer parenting skillz and how he just doesn't believe in media for children as it is too overstimulating to their delicate psyche and distracts them from actual life. Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Yes. During this moment when I so wanted to go over and tell him to mind is own <enter expletive> business, I just locked eyes with him and with one penetrating look I'm pretty sure I told him to trip on his ironic converse all star laces, eat it and leave me, my child, and my iPad out of his dinner conversations. Shortly after, angry hipster skinny jeans Ben Folds man left. 

I'm not going to pretend that I don't judge other people, I'm probably judging someone right now (I'm looking at you Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor). The thing is, I am not high and mighty enough to pretend that I know better for someone else when I know nothing about them or their life. And I'm certainly not going to discuss my judgements where they can obviously hear me. Seriously Ben Folds guy, get over yourself. I'm really glad that you can maintain your sanity and have dinner out with your children and not resort to some kind of distraction tactic. I'm sure your four year old is finishing up Les Mis just in time for the movie release, but judge me silently and move on. People like you drive me CRAZY! 

I needed to get that out of my system so we can move on to tomorrow when we'll get back to classy talk about shoving beer cans up a chicken's butt. While I am raising up the iPad, I'm going to tell you my top seven favorite apps for toddlers. Why seven? Because that's how many the writers workshop told me to post. Please enjoy.

1. Peekaboo Farm - This is number one because it stands the test of time. First app she really liked and still plays with it. 

2. Itsy Bitsy Spider - The version by Duck Duck Moose. BIG love. Easy for them to push all the little different options. 

3.  My Very First App - If you LOVE Eric Carle illustrations (Brown Bear What do you see, Polar Bear What do you hear?, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, etc) you will also love this app. It is another one that grows with them, but L is just now interested in it at 20 months. 

4. PBS Kids - Has great short videos of all of the awesome PBS shows. Curious George, Cat in the Hat, Sesame Street, Word World, etc. PBS Kids is THE BEST!

5. Doodle Buddy - For kids who like to doodle with their fingers. And adults.... who like to doodle with their fingers. 

6. Yo Gabba Gabba Free Dancing App - I don't get it. Landon does apparently. 

7. Pocket Frogs - Yet another App that I don't understand that Landy loves. She doesn't even play she just laughs while the frogs jump around. Kids. go figure.

In this crazy mixed up world there is a time and a place for everything. Except for super skinny jeans on a 40 year old dad. But hey, that's just my own personal judgement.

Stay Mellow... I'm working on it. 

- RT

Using the Word Hate and Fooducation

Hate is a four letter word. Have you heard that before? In our recent culture of terms like "fml" it seems that no one takes words very seriously. A friend I follow on facebook who lives off of her trust fund and is constantly circling the globe doing exciting things once had a status update that said "stuck in traffic AGAIN. FML." I'm pretty sure she was just being dramatic. If you don't know about FML, click here and ignore the first definition, although it is semi hilarious.  Now that you know how being dramatic works, I want to talk about how much I hate whole wheat bread. 

The Drama.

So, I hate whole wheat bread. In the same ways that I hate cardio and the ways that I hate that chocolate, wine, cheese, nutella, and Hawaiian rolls are not the five major food groups. I eat whole wheat bread (begrudgingly) and tell myself "this is bread, you should just be happy to eat it and shut up." But I'm not happy. I long for the oh so bad for you plain white bread. Preferably wrapped around a ham and cheese sandwich or a PBJ. 

Recently I had an awakening. I follow the blog 100 Days of Real Food. While I am not 100% real food eater, I find their posts on food interesting and like to read up. The originator of the blog and website was also a lover of white before starting to eat clean. She said she always hated wheat bread because she only ever had the typical store bought kinds. When she had real whole wheat bread it was a totally different experience. So I was on a mission to find a good whole wheat bread that was light on the ingredient list. At Whole Foods I picked up their "Basic Whole Wheat." Checked over the ingredients and took it home. 

Basic pic from a basic internet search.

I was making Landy a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch and took a bite of this bread and WOW. It doesn't taste like cardboard, or dirt, or particle board, or any of the other tastes I associate with wheat bread. I will now have to recall if  I have ever actually eaten any of those things. Hopefully not. This bread was a revelation. I would eat this with just butter or with peanut butter. It is a life changer in my bread relationship. It's kind of like bread and I just got engaged after going through an amicable divorce. We just fell in love again guys. Sometimes you can't escape your fate. 

Some food rules are easy ones to stick to, others are tedious. I know that the less ingredients listed on your food, the better, but I also don't have time to look up ingredients that I am unsure about. Here is where I change your world.... There is a free app called Fooducate. The basics of Fooducate are as follows: you enter in some personal info, sign up, activate, and then you can scan barcodes of food items and Fooducate will give your food a grade to let you know where you are heading health wise. You can also set it up to alert you about GMOs. It's my new best food friend. Not to overshadow my new fiance, Basic Whole Wheat.

Speaking of healthy eating, I wonder if the six pies I am making in the next two days would receive passing grades? I knowingly chose to not acknowledge the answer. At least they are made from scratch.

Keep Calm & Pie On,

- RT

Fit Friday: Changing the Kid's Menu

I never really paid attention to children's menus until I had children. Prior that that I looked at the kid's menu at fast food places when I wanted a calorie splurge. Getting a child's portion always seemed like a better way to do that. Although now I'm pretty sure the child portion is the size that the normal adult portion used to be.

There seems to be something ingrained in our society that says "children won't eat healthy food." I'm not sure where it came from. I grew up eating and loving vegetables, but when my then 3 year old niece requested a snack of avocados, oranges, and sliced tomato, I was semi shocked. Isn't she supposed to want chips and cookies and prepackaged crap? The simple answer is no. Kids are not born wanting processed, factory manufactured food. But that same food is designed to have addictive properties and if you simply make an assumption that your child won't eat vegetables, they probably won't.

 Hold your horses, I'm not saying that there is no such thing as a really picky eater. I'm also not saying that Landon eats only the perfect foods. I'm just stressing that we are the ones who form our child's earliest food experiences and we should try to make them good ones. One of my friends hates eggs and her daughter also hates eggs. If my friend loved eggs, her daughter would probably love eggs too. In what I have seen so far with Landon (and with a lot of my friends and their children) kids mirror their parent's tastes and behaviors. 

I'm fortunate that Landy is not a picky eater overall, but picky eating is not a family trait. I couldn't tell you one food that she flat out hates, but sometimes when I try to give her a meal she normally would eat all of, she just doesn't want it. The best thing I ever did was to not get discouraged when we were initially introducing her to foods. Even with the puree foods, if she didn't like something I would try it at least 2 or 3 times before I retired it. And at the next stage I would try it again. L hated pureed bananas. She also hated real bananas mashed with breast milk and real bananas mashed with water and real bananas mashed with whole milk. Fast forward to now and the child is a "nana" eating machine.

Monkeys. They also love bananas.

All of the above being said, we eat pretty healthy at home. We splurge when we want to, but our basic meals are grilled or baked or sauteed and we keep our salt intake to an almost bare minimum. I make up for the rest with nutella and wine... in moderation. Rarely do we eat things that come in a box (unless someone needs a childhood mac and cheese fix) or food items that are premade and then frozen. When we go out to eat as a family I am often confronted with a children's menu that I frankly wouldn't eat any of myself. Greasy grilled cheese, mini cheese burgers, chicken fingers that are 50% batter, and a host of other things. Basically if it's on the children's menu it's likely fried or it comes with butter and cheese. While I think there is always a time and a place for a little indulgence, it scares the crap out of me that these are "CHILDREN'S" foods. Especially given the fact that this generation of children is expected to have a younger age at death than their parents. This is not what I want for my daughter.

We need to figure out small steps in our daily lives to keep this from happening.

Initially my solution was to order something for myself that I would simply share with Landon, or order her something I was comfortable with and take the leftovers home for a few more of her meals. As she gets older my thoughts on that solution have changed. Why not reach out to your local restaurants (the ones that cater to families and already have a kid's menu) and request that they include a few healthy items in smaller portions on their kid's menu? Why shouldn't there be grilled chicken breast on a kids menu? Why shouldn't there be a small filet of salmon on a kids menu? Why shouldn't there be salad on a kid's menu? 

I am not the type of person who believes that restaurants should be forced to have healthy items on their children's menu. It is the right of the restaurant to decide what they serve. But if we find a great way to just ask them to add on some healthier items, maybe that could do a lot in the long run. It might open other people's eyes to the fact that other children are eating healthy food items. To be honest, you would be surprised by how many parents are clueless about nutrition. 

As I have started thinking more about this, a few great examples have come up in places where we eat. I noticed last weekend at the Black Walnut Cafe that their children's menu is a wonderful mix of the traditional kid's items and healthier options and sides. They offer the following:

Grilled Cheese  

Chicken Tenders  

Cheeseburger  

AJB’s Mac & Cheese  

Ziti & Tomato Sauce 

Grilled Chicken Breast  

Grilled Chicken Sandwich  

Choice of a house green salad, roasted vegetables, french fries, 

house potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes or steamed broccoli, and 

fountain drink

Sometimes I think restaurants might be headed in the right direction, but could do more. In the case of national chain Panera Bread, their kid's menu allows you to make your child a deli sandwich with their chosen cuts of meat. Okay, that's a start, but given the range of their regular fare, they could easily incorporate some real and substantially healthier options than just PB&J, Mac & Cheese, & Grilled Cheese. 

I think you get the point of where I am going with this. It's not that kid's menus cause obesity, it's that they are a reflection of how society views the food that children eat. And for me, when I think about it in those terms, it's shocking. Everything in moderation allows space for unhealthy treats, but why should healthy options be completely absent? 

So if you feel the same, let's do something about it. You don't need to write congress or spend all of your money, when you eat out with your children and see that the kid's menu doesn't offer a healthier option that you were looking for, just let them know. Tell the manager that you would like to see some items added. Ask for a child's portion (and matching smaller price tag) of a healthier adult entree. 

Try new foods, and work on the way your family eats. A lot of the issues with childhood obesity start at home, but there is still work to be done when your family eats out. Especially in our current eating out and food to go culture. It's part of teaching our children to make good and healthy decisions for their future.

- RT

I'm Still Here. Love, Joaquin

My most heartfelt blog style apologies to those of you who semi stalk me and sent me three whole emails today asking me WTF (that's right) was up with the blog. Nothing is up with the blog except for my absence from it due to virus type complications. I was trying to still blog while sick, but when I am sick, I am irritable and the blog was kind of looking something like this:

"cook things, don't eff this up, people are lame, toddlers who throw things make baby elephants cry, husbands are crazy, etc" 

Really I couldn't subject you to all of that. It would have made me feel even more mental that I have been feeling. I'm still working on getting over what my doctor so kindly referred to as "the mom version of a normal virus." Apparently because I bore a child who is currently a toddler, I get to be sick even longer than normal people. Yay! But don't worry if you are reading this and I have been hugging and picking noses with you, it appears that my magical virus is not contagious. Maybe I need a new GP... Now I'm getting negative again. I should probably go. 

I promise you (the three of you, at least) close to normal speed this week, and hopefully full speed next week. I made my first pie of the holiday season today. To sound all 1960s housewife on you, it might have been the perfect cure. 

Eat Pie, Be Virus Fee, and be Merry!

-RT

Texas Red Beans Gone Wrong

Here's a red beans story gone wrong. While S ate these red beans all last week, I couldn't get through my first (and only) bowl. The problem is, in order to figure out what went wrong, I would need to make them again. It was likely one of three things. Let's explore this bad cooking experience in photos.

The quick soak process. No problems here. Brought the beans to a boil, let them set for a while, and came back in the afternoon to work on them. 

Additional ingredients, though I only used one jalapeno, because I didn't want it to be too spicy. That ended up backfiring. 

Chef's assistant works with the homemade popsicle maker in her sweats. It's never too early to introduce a nice, comfy pair of sweatpants.

Taking extra steps to reduce extra heat, I slice my jalapenos to remove the seeds and the membrane. This is where the majority of heat lies in a jalapeno. So mistake option 1 is that this jalapeno was freakishly hot. Like way beyond the realm of normal jalapeno hotness. 

Sliced andouille sausage. Option 2 is that this brand of andouille (I've never used it before) was incredibly spicy. While I don't think this was the reason, it is in the realm of possibilities. 

I put in some of the more rough chops of onion first, then added a finely chopped mixture of onion and jalapeno.

After removing the beans and giving them one last rinse, I put a little EV Olive Oil in the bottom of the heated pot and tossed in the onions, jalapeno, and garlic. After about five minutes I added the sausage. I cooked all of this over medium for about five - ten more minutes. Then poured in 4-6 cups of chicken stock. 

Here is where the last thing could have gone wrong. I use this fab cajun spice mix. It has always served me well and I rarely measure the amounts I use. It has black pepper AND cayenne pepper AND crushed red pepper. So over use of this (the likely culprit) is what could have made this hard for me to handle. I can't find this mix anymore, but if you have a good spice mix at the store, just read through the ingredients. And for the sake of all that is holy, measure it.

After I added the spices and the red beans (and made sure there was enough broth covering them to give everything room to cook down) I let everything cook for a couple of hours. I kept it on a low boil. Then I took a spoonful out to test.

And I was like "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Is this too spicy?" But I like to see what I want to see so I told myself no. Besides, everything spicy can be fixed with bread. We keep this and other frozen bread selections in the freezer (frozen in the freezer... stickler for details). They come in handy a lot. Like when your red beans are too spicy for life. 

White rice in the still disappointing rice cooker and we were ready to go. And I was so sad. I wanted this. I wanted it bad. It wasn't happening for me.

I got about 1/3 of the way through my bowl and I just couldn't finish. It made me feel better that S did. And that he kept on eating it. It was really just too spicy for me to enjoy. We've got a few months of cold weather coming our way, so I'm sure after I get over the hurt to my cooking pride, I'll do red beans again. Then I'll come back to brag about it and tell you all how to do it the right way. With measuring spoons and things. Ugh. Following the rules. What a boring way to cook. 

-RT

Halloween Recap

This week did not really go according to plan. That's life. Instead of a Sunday night preview of the week, maybe I could present it as possibilities. You MIGHT read about this, OR I might fill my blog with lots of pictures of my little Halloween flower child. 

Cause we're spooky and stuff.

My all time favorite Halloween costume (for myself) is hard to narrow down, so when I thought about it I had to limit myself to childhood. I was snow white one year and LOVED that costume, but I think my real favorite was when I dressed up in traditional Thai clothing. Yes. That is correct. I called myself a Thai Princess. My mom has a fantastic picture of this that I will try and fish around for. My grandparents had recently visited Thailand and brought back traditional costumes for myself and my brother. I was trying to find a similar costume online, but mine was clearly one of a kind. Here is the similar style (based on my memory, so we'll see how that works out when the actual photo surfaces.)

This one is for sure a little more elaborate, but same top and skirt style. Pho anyone?

I loved this costume for all of the reasons some people say little girls aren't supposed to love things. It was silky and beautiful and it made me feel like a princess. Having a daughter I get bombarded with advice and articles on how to make your daughter realize that intelligence is just as important as beauty. Sometimes even more important. Thinking of this costume puts a little bit of that in perspective. I loved Thai Princess and I loved Snow White because I felt beautiful wearing the costumes. The rest of the time I felt pretty smart. Except when I ate that entire pillowcase full of Halloween candy. Let's just say that was a lapse in beautiful judgement. 

Back to the here and now, we could have a problem moving forward when taking Landy for walks. She really liked the part of Halloween where you walk up to people's doors and they open them to give you things. A few hard core days of training her to stay on the sidewalk should remedy that. 

Earlier in the day we carved pumpkins and Landon was all "What's so cool about carving pumpkins? Seems pretty not punk rock at all to me."

Word.

Then she got a little more interested.... in what the inside of a pumpkin tastes like. The verdict: A solid "MMMM" followed by pumpkin insides spit on the ground. Yes, I let her eat the pumpkin. She now knows that pumpkin insides taste like yuck. These are priceless lessons. She will likely relearn this one next year.

Hello Kitty says Pumpkins are for candy, not carving....

Then the big moment. Landon's little Flower Child costume was ready to be put on. We switched the long sleeved more flowy shirt for a short sleeved tee because it was 80 something degrees. She managed to keep everything on once we got going. An All Hallows Eve Miracle.

Peace Y'all! And Daddy's legs.

This costume was so fun and I absolutely loved it. For a family on a budget, the cost factor was a total winner. The vest was mine when I was little, the peace necklace and the headband I bought in 1999 at Dance Fantastic for a high school pep rally. The jeans are on loan from my friend in SA (who says she will never have a daughter, but will), the brown leather sandals are on loan from Aunt L (cousin E is moving one size ahead.. lucky Landy!), and the tee shirt was on sale for $3 at target. 

Hippies still like to roll around in the grass. FYI.

Our neighbor a few blocks away always has every blow up available for purchase on their front lawn during the month of October. On Halloween night they bring out the big guns and pull a hearse onto the lawn. Hearses aren't really my thing, but this was a massive production. It isn't quite the same in pictures, but just imagine some spooky music and TONS of kids yelling. And smoke rising out of the back of the hearse. I was assured it looks even spookier when it's dark out.

That about sums it up. We made sure to stop by our friend's houses and then Landon was like "wow guys, I have never been out this late." So we headed back to our street and made sure to say hi to some of our favorite neighbors. Then S gave Landon a few bites of the melted twix she had been holding in her hands for an hour and we put her to bed. And from this point going forward, Halloween just gets more intense. I choose not to think about that for at least another 335 days. The one thing I forgot to do: bring leftover Halloween candy to the office. I'll save that one for Tuesday.

Hope y'all had a good one! 

-RT