First, I have rarely had the problem of dealing with a TRULY difficult, picky eater. Early on with my kids I adopted certain philosophies to keep me sane, and whether they worked or I am just lucky... I haven't figured out yet. What I know about opinionated eaters is vast, as I have a three year old living in my house right now.
I work very hard to purchase the best foods and prepare beautiful meals for my family. When they eat and enjoy something I have made for them it feels good. Here is what has been happening in our house lately: At the store two days ago I found organic blueberries and raspberries. Not very abundant this time of year and my food opinionated daughter's favorites. It sounds lame, but I was excited because I thought she would be SO excited the next morning at breakfast. The next day she gets sprouted grain cinnamon raisin bread with organic butter, the organic berries washed and dried, and a sliced banana. She sits down at the table and sees this beautiful plate of food and says "I don't want this." And for a second I forget that she is three and I get more than a little offended. I think I said something like "This is breakfast. The only breakfast. Now eat it." Different power struggles and additional words ensued and this minor morning affront to my feelings affected the entire day.
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| The breakfast in question was not documented, but on any given day this could be completely rejected as well |
I don't know if it bothered me more that I wanted her to be surprised and excited that I had found something she loved... and she clearly was not. Or if I REALLY want to get the point across to her that we should not waste any food, but especially good, wholesome, EXPENSIVE food that we make a priority in our family budget. Then here comes that reminder again... she is three. I am a grown adult.
What worked with both kids from the first sign of frustration with food was following a lot of the Food Rules from "French Kids Eat Everything." I never finished the actual book, and I didn't have to. The fact is not all french kids eat everything. (And for a nice counterpoint to the francophile parenting movement, please see this hilarious personal essay from Vogue.)
The food rules from French Kids Eat Everything make sense though. Not because they make your kids mini gourmands who instantly appreciate all of the wholesome and beautiful ingredients of the world, while shunning burgers and pizza.... It's because they keep parents sane and create predictable situations. Any time you can apply rules to a part of your life with kids (and stick to them) it lets everyone know what to expect. And when everyone knows the rules it makes life easier.
You don't have to follow the rules word for word.. Make them work for YOU! Here is the lowdown on the official "French Food Rules" and how we actually apply them to our family life.
Rule #1: Parents: YOU are in charge of Food Education.
We apply this by making the grocery store/farmer's market a place where we talk about ingredients. With the above mentioned 3 year old we talk about which vegetables and fruits she wants to eat, and she helps with as much cooking as is manageable.
Rule #2: Avoid emotional eating. Translation: Do not use food as a reward.
This is a hard one. I absolutely dropped this rule while potty training. At the end of a successful grocery store trip I used to swing by the mini cookie cube at Whole Foods or HEB (they both have them now) and let L pick a cookie. This was back in the ideal days of one child shopping. When I saw this rule we switched out the cookie for a Balloon or a piece of fruit from the kids club (whole foods & still a food reward, I know) or a trip to see HEBuddy. It only took a few trips with consistent "no cookie" to get her off of that habit. I work on this rule a lot.
Rule #3: Parents plan and schedule meals. Kids eat what adults eat. No Short Order Cooking.
When I embraced this rule I got a good amount of kitchen sanity back. As the parent fill your child's plate with only items you would be happy if they ate. For example, my kids will always eat sweet potato and avocado, so for most lunch or dinner meals, this is on the plate. Then your child decides what they will eat. And if they don't want what's on the plate then they have to wait until the next scheduled meal time. I will say with the opinionated eater, I often let her know that she has to try one of everything offered before she steps away from the table. More on that in Rule # 6
Rule #4: Eat family meals together with no distractions.
This is a hard one for us given the kids ages and our schedules. The way we make it work for us is that the kids always eat together at the kitchen table for every meal at home and snacks. If I am here I try to sit down with them and eat as well. With a one and three year old, that is just sometimes not feasible. My kids go to bed early and my husband works late. But during any and all home meal times there is no tv. It's about the meal.
Rule #5: Eat your veggies.
If you have ever done the VegOut Challenge with Recipe for Success then you know how many vegetables there are. We try to make this one fun and try new things or old things in new ways. If you make it a game kids get more interested. That doesn't guarantee they will like it, but it's a start.
Rule #6: You DON'T have to like it, but you DO have to taste it.
I can't tell you how many times I have set down a plate to hear "I don't like (enter something she liked yesterday here)." And like a broken record I say "you might not feel like eating it today, but I still need you to try at least one bite." And sometimes the stubborn little sweetheart will take that one bite and leave the rest. Other times she realizes after tasting it that she does actually like it and eats the rest. This is a fantastic rule. Maybe my favorite. You are giving your kids the power to say they don't like or want something, but you are also giving them the opportunity to change their mind.
Rule #7: No Snacking! It's ok to feel hungry in between meals.
We follow this in a way that works for the young age of our kids. It's not something I am proud of, but sometimes a young child who is about to spiral into a tantrum can be distracted with a snack. And I prefer light snacking to tantruming (new word) any day. If someone wants a snack in between meals at home, we stick to the following list: a banana, some avocado, some berries, an apple, applesauce, grapes, or raisins. They are things we always have and you be surprised how many times a "hungry" child who wants a snack suddenly decides they can wait until their next meal.
Rule #8: Slow food is Happy food.
Take you time with meals. Enjoy the taste of your food and teach your children to do the same. There are times when you will need to rush through breakfast to get to school or work, but try to take the time to sit at the table and enjoy your food. I have to remind myself of this one as well, but it's a great one when put into practice.
Rule #9: Eat mostly real food.
This rule notes that treats on special occasions are ok. The problem I fall into with this one is I can pretty much find a special occasion in every day. So we have started making real food "treats" like the whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread and baked apple chips. We do follow a mostly real food diet and love it.
Rule #10: Remember: Eating is Joyful.... RELAX!
Right... here are nine rules to remember, now relax. But the truth is, when you start implementing some of the above it makes your kitchen less of a battle zone and more of a family space. The relaxation comes naturally because you have a solution to the picky and opinionated eating problems that arise. It's hard to believe (I sometimes have to remind myself) but your kids will not starve. They also know what they can get away with and with whom.
I follow two additional rules of my own.
1. From first solids to forever is that there is no such thing as not liking something forever. If your child hates peas today, tomorrow and next week, that doesn't mean he won't like them next month. We give our kids lots of opportunities to dislike foods because we continue to feed them to them in a variety of forms. Maybe you don't like white meat chicken, but if I slice it thin and put a little sour cream on top, you'll devour it.
2. If you are throwing food on the floor you are probably no longer hunger and the meal is now over. With a one year old, this rule is like sanity. In rule form.
The final lesson of the above is as follows: We are all trying to feed our kids the best of what we can provide. Even if they don't appreciate it, your spouse, their grandparents, and their future selves all do. So figure out what kind of kitchen rules work in your house and turn your battle zone into a place to create, taste & explore. And a place to open a bottle of wine when all of that creative exploring doesn't go as planned.
RT
